Dance Through Trauma

August 1, 2021

This morning, Damian woke me up and told me that my mother and her boyfriend were arguing again. A few seconds later, my mother called me from the living room and told me to come. So, when I left my room and went to the living room, I saw my mother crying while arguing and her boyfriend arguing. My mother said that the argument started when her boyfriend took her phone away to see if he could find something to use against her, which made my mother angry because she never gets to see her boyfriend's phone since he likes to be in control of everything. He was wrong for taking away my mother's phone because they really aren't a couple anymore. He cheated, and failed the family with his abuse. Maybe he is trying to change, but he needs to understand that my mother is not comfortable living with him in the same place after everything that he has done to her. I wouldn't want to continue to live in the same house with someone who abuses me. It may be his mother's house legally, but that woman needs to understand that the house should be for her grandchildren, so that they have shelter, not just for herself and her son. She's a pastor, so if she kicks my mother and the children out, it contradicts what she preaches. Anyway, while my mother and her ex-boyfriend (I should say), I just stood there and watched without saying anything. My mom and her ex-boyfriend just talked to me a little during their argument to show their sides of the story. Obviously, I'm on my mother's side. As a victim of a form of abuse myself, I understand why my mother hates him. Even if her ex-boyfriend changes, my mother doesn't have to accept nor forgive him. She has the right to feel what she wants to feel as it is a difficult situation for victims of abuse. So, what he can do is leave the house and help my mother out financially, help with the house, and have the kids on certain days. He should just try his best to make my mother feel comfortable for her own health and for his children. It doesn't matter anyway because my mother will just move out and find somewhere else to stay. She needs to be in a place where she can receive support from family and friends, not just me. I like to think positive and keep myself calm or happy, so that I believe that the best will come, and it will. I want to tell my mother things that a therapist would say, but I'm not a therapist. However, I can give her advice, comfort, and love. I can also teach my mother things that I've been taught in therapy, so I will try that. She's gone through life this far, so I believe my mother will someday be happy, and our family will too. Happiness is what everyone should have in life. Besides all this, a couple of things happened these past few days. So, we went to two different places here in southeast Missouri like Branson since my mother's ex-boyfriend's friend was here for a day. We first went to the wildlife center in Springfield to see some animals and other cool things. It was all for free, which is amazing! Then, we drove to Branson to eat and see the place for a little. We spent hours on the road and at the two places, so it was a nice day for all of us. I'm in a better place mentally, and I'm so glad that I am. I want my mother to improve her mental health, which is why I have recommended therapy to her. Whatever she decides, she will always have me, her family, friends, and her religion to help her out. My mother has six children, so whenever she thinks about suicide, she remembers that she can't leave her children alone in the world. Her love for us is too strong to let her go, which is why she has been so strong. My lovely mother has suffered so much in life, but she will someday be living the happiest time of her life. I used to be the kind of person that worried so much for someone else's well being that I even felt like I was them. I don't know if that makes sense, but I did have too much care for people. I needed to accept that every person should be dealing with their own problems and not me because I have. my own things to solve, and having to take care of other people's lives just adds on more stress on me, which can destroy my mental health. So, I make sure that I worry for my mother on a healthy level and just try my best as a son to comfort her. She's a strong woman, so she will figure her way out of her problems. Her battles are hers, while my battles are mine. I'm glad I'm not too emotional in situations like these anymore because it only tore my mentality apart. I'm just doing things on a healthier level now, and focus more on my life than the lives of others. That doesn't mean that I don't care about my loved ones. It means that I shouldn't take care of the lives of other people no matter who they are because it would only destroy me. My mother has to take care of her life in her way with the help and support she has. I'm just saying this because I remember how I used to care way too much about the lives of people whether they're family or friends. I'm positive that my mother will end up happy someday after all of this mess, which makes me happy.

- August 1, 2021