Random Life

Teenage Cupid 💔(girls. ver)

(Notebook of a Teenage Cupid) (WARNING: BOYS, DON'T READ)

Girls, if you ever thought of smearing makeup on your face, wearing designer clothes with bizarre costs, and writing gooey love letters to impress some male I highly recommend not to.

In fact, with a world with such high stakes for one's future, dating is extravagant. It is much better if one focuses on her studies, not thinking about stuff related to boys...or boys...or boys...or...

OMG I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT BOYS OMG OMG HELP ME I NEED DATING ADVIVCEEEEEEEE

But...if you're like that, I (The best romance master in the Andromeda universe) have no choice but to help you. I mean, look at all my amazing romance action!!

Friend: I'm DATINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Me thinking: So what.
Me on the outside: L.u.c.k.y y.o.u.
Me: Continues to draw a happy rabbit
Me: 😎😎

I know. Who better to get your (stupid) mushy gushy advice from?

That's why this girl from a neighboring galaxy decided to ask me on her dating advice. I think she never heard of me, but still.

Let's get started.

To girls who think that all boys are princes in shining armor, you are WRONG. There is a really high chance that the boy is actually a STREET BEGGAR wrapped in RAGGED TINFOIL. 

So to all girls who think all boys are amazing, beautiful creatures, look again!! Because if you chose the wrong person to be sugary with, it can end up as black history for the rest of your life.

What you should do is STALK the boy for at least 5 days(with a cool pair of binoculars) where you figure out if he is a possible candidate or a piece of digested lettuce. Think he's a piece of poo-digested lettuce? Then toss him a look saying You are the most horrible, idiotic, WORST part of digested lettuce in the whole WORLD.

That will prevent the male from misunderstanding that you likkeeee him, and also give you the ability to make expressions that look like a dumpster truck of trash!!

Now, do you STILL love the male and want to be lovey-dovey with him? 

Okay then, next step. 

There are three ways of confessing love to a male. They are the infamous letters, texts, and face-to-face disasters. 

I recommend face to face methods. 

Why? 

Do you seriously want to spend 6666 days writing the ultimate grossness of fluff? 

If so, go for it!!

 I know that cliche romance novels always has some Perfect situation to confess, but that doesn't happen in real life. 

Snap out of whatever fantasy you're living in.

A cool way I use to talk to boys is to imagine them as ANTS.

Pathetic, puny ANTS.

You know, the insects that you stomp on accidentally to relieve stress?

Yup. Imagine your maybe-future-boyfriend as an ant.

And then imagine doing
--the following information was removed because of unnecessary needs of violence-- and finally ending with his soul burning in the eternal flames of hell!!

Wow!! What a nice, fuzzy story!!! (Kicks a crying girl into the nearest closet) It's really effective if you imagine your crush that has no power over you. It's also really reliving if you think about doing --the following information was removed because of unnecessary needs of violence--which makes you feel really good!!

Me: (Jerks girl out of closet and drags her to her crush) Okay. Just do what you want to do.
Girl: YA SEE ME NOW?? I'M GONNA--the following information was removed because of unnecessary needs of violence-- AND END WITH YOUR SOUL BURNING IN THE ETERNAL FLAMES OF HELL!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boy: (runs away from the maniac girl) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Girl: Wait what??? Nononononononono THAT'S A CLIFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it was another perfect victory of the Teenage Cupid. 😎😎

~end~