The mafia ball.

30|I'm Sorry, Truly

Nova's POV

"You can't keep avoiding me."

"Watch me."  

"Fuck sake, Nova." I hear Grayson grumble behind me as I walk away from him.

Three days ago I found out about Grayson and Elizabeth. In those days it made me realize just how deep my feelings really go because when I found out he slept with her the day before he came and slept with me, I felt used. I always knew that he saw this just as a fling, which it was. I can't blame him for not feeling the same way, but it still hurts to know that's he doesn't.

Do I even have the right to be mad? We weren't together.

No matter how much I try to avoid him, with all this extra training going on I and Grayson have been joined to the hip. Trust me, I tried to change that but apparently, it's too crucial if we change partners now. So I've had to endure the way my heart aches whenever I'm near him. Everything with Grayson is messy and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I've tried denying my feelings and clearly, that did no good but confuse me even more and cause me to make some harsh decisions. I've tried to come to terms with the way I feel and then something happened and, again, I said some words I should apologize for. But now, my heart hurts so much I've decided to move on.

I can say it to myself.

I have feelings for Grayson Blackwell. And that's okay, I've seen what it's like to feel that way. Now it's over.

I'll start by apologizing to Grayson for the harsh words I've spat at him. I'll also apologize for lashing out at him when he was completely right, he saved my life that day and I need to thank him. Then our lives will go on as they did. We continue our partnership in a professional way. No sexual acts, no yelling or screaming. Certainly, no stabbing people.

Although, It did feel great to stab them.

The first day after the heartbreak was bearable.  Grayson was too afraid to say anything that would get him stabbed again. The first day was peaceful, awkward, but peaceful.

"Nova-

"Grayson if you say one word to me at all today- i turn to him showing him my, 'don't test me' face. "I will stab you again."

His brows shoot up and he must be stupid because I can see the slight lift in his lips. But he doesn't laugh, he nods his head silently. 

The first day was my favorite.

The second day was when things started to change, much to my dismay. Grayson thought that if he started talking to me about personal stuff, like all the stuff I wanted to know while I still had enough patients to be around him, then I would somehow fall for him and forgive him.

He was wrong.

"You once asked what the list of names was when we had our first mission."

I ignore him and continue to shine my daggers hoping it would intimidate him.

It didn't.

"Well, it was a list of all the people I've killed." I momentarily stop as I can't help but listen to his words. Why would he do that to himself? "My father called me something once and it forever stuck to me. I wanted him to be wrong but he wasn't, so I wrote down all the names of people I've killed to remind myself."

I so badly wanted to ask to remind himself of what? But I couldn't. I was too stubborn to ask. So I didn't.

"We have to train," I say just above a whisper as I walk past him. My skin lightly brushed against his making goosebumps travel across my skin.