Marriage of Necessity

~26~ Harvesting

The moon is kissing the wheat, casting shadows down on the ground. I sit up in the rocker with the kerosene lamp off, letting the darkness engulf me as I stare out the window.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for...Answers maybe? How did such a simple thing get blown into such proportions? I need to get some sleep if I have a prayer of keeping up tomorrow. Although I'm getting stronger, I know my body isn't strong enough for the rigorous task of harvesting. If I don't sleep at all, I'll be worthless.

I watch as Matthew opens the door to the lean-to, and walks up to the house. I freeze, because as soon as he comes in, he will see me.

I'm not ready to face him

Instead of coming in, I see him stop at the door, shake his head, and go back to the lean-to.

He wasn't ready to face me either

I continue watching the moon bend the light in curious ways, once again wondering if I made the right decision. I know I love him—that's not in question.

But is love enough?

When I committed to him, I committed to this lifestyle. That's also not the issue. The problem lies in the fact that he truly believes he's superior, and I need to listen and obey.

That's not me. Maybe love isn't enough. Maybe some people are meant to be alone. The good Lord doesn't make mistakes, but He allows his sheep to make them. Did I make a mistake in my need for companionship?

I don't know. Mama I wish you were here. How I ache to cling to your skirts like a child as I weep.

It was easy to have opinions and a sharp tongue as a child. When mama and papa would scold me, I would go on my way, waiting for the next time. Maybe in the real world, it doesn't work like that. There has to be more; I have to have worth—I have to matter.

I need to matter.

~*~

Morning comes dreadfully early. So early in fact, I don't think I slept much at all. Mama always quoted from the Good Book. "Do not let the sun go down on your anger."

Well, we both did.

I'm busy making breakfast, frying up the sausage and getting the biscuits to baking when Matthew walks in.

A part of me yearns for his strong arms to engulf me and his deep, gruff voice to greet me.

The other part of me wants him to step on a rusty nail.

"Mornin," he says curtly, obvious that he's still very much sore with me.

Thankfully my attention is needed elsewhere, lest we get burnt sausage, so I'm able to ignore him for the time being.

Junior comes in with the milk and sets it next to me. I smile as I thank him.

"Ready for today?" I ask as I dry my hands on my apron.

"Anythin' to get me out of school," he smirks as he goes to wash his hands at the basin.

I chuckle as I hand Remi the platter of biscuits, and she sets them down. I pour milk into the cups and get those on the table, and Jamie puts the sausage and hash on for me.

Once we're all sitting, and I'm serving the eggs, Matthew clears his throat.

"Remi, you're helping her all day today. She doesn't know anythin' about this, and I expect you ta help her. Am I understood? I better not have another Wanda situation. This is our livelihood, and if the wheat gets ruined, it could mean our bellies being empty this winter. Got me young miss?"