The Hidden Life

The Hidden Life chapter one

This book is for everyone who don't know who they are and trying to find who they are in the world. And for the teenager me who had hard time to find herself until she wrote the first word for Meredith."What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." _UnknownPrologue I'm Meredith Rosemen and this is the story of who I am. I know what you are thinking, I find out who I am and have a happy ending and blah blah blah right? Wrong, I'm not like most girls my age, well in some ways I am. I have a family and good home, you know, the boring crap you hear all the time. I'm different because most kids my age know who they are at 18, but I didn't. I remember when I started figuring out who I am; it was the start of my last year of high school in the small town of New York City. My life back then was, well, normal as it can be for being me. I had a very good looking boyfriend named Jack McKinney. I stole him from the head of the cheerleaders. I'm getting off track; let me take you back to 2007.The Hidden LifeThe last first day: Chapter 1 I got up late on the first day of my senior year. I had been up until 2:34am talking to my boyfriend Jack McKinney about the first day. I woke up at 7:39am with only fifteen minutes to get out the door. I ran to the bathroom to find it locked, I started hitting hard as I could. A voice came from behind the door it belong to my kid sister, named Maddie. "I'm doing my make-up Matt jr you've had your time." She opened the door and saw me with my clothes in my hands. "I think you have enough make-up for like twenty clowns Mads'. Now move I have to pee and I have to shower before school." Maddie looked at me and gave me a thing of wet ones and a cup from the medical drawer. "There is your shower and a thing for you to pee in." I pushed the door open and walked in and did what I needed to do. I got in and out with three minutes to spare, I ran down stairs and headed for the door when a booming voice yelled: "MEREDITH ANNE ROSEMEN GET IN HERE NOW!!" That voice belonged to the one and only Matthew Rosemen Sr., or in other words, my father; or at least that is what my mom tells me he is. I don't think so though, we are nothing alike what so ever. I walk in and ask nicely: "What can I do for you father?" He looks at me, and puts up his finger for me to come closer to him. "Why were you on the phone at 2:30am this morning? Was the house on fire? Was someone being robbed? What could be so damn important that you would be on the phone at 2:30am? Tell me young lady!" I rolled my eyes and looked at him. "You know I'd love to stay here and talk about that, but I have to go to school. Don't want to make Lamberg mad at me. Bye dad." I got on my tip toes and kissed his cheek and ran out the door before dad could say anything else. I ran out and jumped into my 1996 blue Ford pick up truck. I drove to the gas station four blocks from my house where I knew the cashier. I got some gas and ran in the store and grabbed a candy bar from the shelf. "30 in gas and this candy bar and a pack of New Ports." I threw my I.D at the guy. He picked it up and looked at it and gave me my smokes and rung me up. When the old man went out the door I jumped the counter and kissed the cashier. I told you I knew him. ( Or I just like kissing random guys it is your guess.)The cashier kissed me back for a minute. "So is that my tip Mer'?" I kissed him again and said: "Don't spend it all in one place Jack." He just looks at me and smiles. "Aren't you going to be late for school babe?" I got down off my tip toes and asked "What is Lamberg going to do? Throw me out for being late for the first day? I wish." Jack snorts and picked me up and told me it was time for me to leave. I jumped in my truck and lit up a cig and smoked it on the way to school. I was on my second smoke when I pulled into my favorite spot. It was the last spot by the end of the fence. I jumped out of my truck and started walking toward the school. My school is about the same age as the town, give or take a decade or two. I was almost to the front door, when I saw my enemy Starla Scrubbs greeting people with a fake smile they teach you when you sign to become a cheerleader. It's finally my turn to see the snob and I try to get past her without much notice. "HOLD IT ROSEMEN, I SMELL SMOKE! MISS .LAMBERG!! ROSEMEN SMELLS!!" Just then the principal walked over wearing her hair in a tight little bun on her head and wearing a three piece suite that you would see a lawyer have for court. "Why yes Starla you are right, Meredith does smell of smoke." I looked at both of them. "You should know what smoke smells like Scrubbs, you use to smoke more then I do to keep the weight off." She snorted at me and said: "Like I would ever do that?" "I guess cause the throwing up all your meals wasn't keeping you in the size zero." I walked away smiling to myself. "Oh Miss. Rosemen, my office. I'll meet you there and we can have chat." The principal said. I looked back and said "Sure I'll meet you there in three and have coffee waiting for you. Cream no sugar right? Biter just like you." Twenty minutes later I was at my locker throwing in my stuff and putting a picture of Jack and I in it. (it was taken on our first year anniversary. When he gave me one of his favorite leather jackets.) When I shut the door, a cup of coffee and a rose was handed to me. I looked up and saw the bright green eye Jack. "So you can't even to make it to the first class of the day without getting your skinny little butt in trouble Meredith?" I smile up at him and said: "I know I'm trouble Jack, but that is what makes you love me even more." Jack rolled his eyes and led me to our math class and opened the door for me. (such a gentleman) "So we do get the enjoyment of Rosemen and McKinney after all, and I thought I was going to get lucky and have a year off of the two of you." The person you just heard from was our "amazing" math teacher Mr.Blaste. (or Herbie) Ten minutes later, class was over and our "amazing" teacher wanted to talk to Jack and myself. "I know you two are known for doing God knows what and skipping classes to do it. If you ever do that in my class, your butts will be in Lamberg's office got it?" Jack and I looked at each other and said: "Yep Sir." We gave him a salute as we walked out and started going down the hallway to our next classes. "What is Blaste's problem babe?" Jack asked me wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I thought for a minute and looked up at him. "I really don't know, but I can guess it's male p.m.s." Jack chuckled and took a drink of my coffee. "Cute, Mere', really. I got to go to auto shop though." Jack bent down and kissed my mouth carefully. "By the way that was me cashing in my tip." I smiled and said: "Well I'm going to go and impress all the boys with my ways with wood." Jack just laughed at my stupid joke. Three classes later it was time for my smoke break. I go about two blocks from the school and sit on the water tower to smoke. (at the bottom of the water tower because I hate high places.)My friends Angel Greene and J.G Lights come with me. They don't smoke, and they have been on my case for years to stop, but I don't listen. ( I have been smoking since eighth grade. Got caught smoking in the boy's room. Don't ask why I was in the boy's room. Need to know.) About four hours later I'm at Jack's second job helping him; or trying to without breaking anything. "Hey Meredith can you hand me that wrench please?" Jack said from under the car. I handed him the wrench without dropping it on him. {Thanks to Jack I know the difference between flathead and philp'shead screw driver.} He fixed whatever it was that was wrong with the car and got out from under it. (I guess it was an easy fix like my truck.)He leaned toward me and tried to kiss me. "No, no dirty boy you've got to clean up first before your lips touch mine." He ducked and kissed his lips to my check and said: "Ha-ha I win." I threw a rag at him and told him to wash himself for a while. (I'm going to have to use a metal scrubby to get that off.) Just then, a 1976 Mustang came in with the I.D that read "Hot Stuff." I saw it and ran for the bathroom to hide. My older brother Matt Jr got out of the car and started talking guy stuff with Jack. "So where is my sister McKinney?" Jack pointed to the bathroom. "Go figure. When dad is on the war path, Meredith hides in the bathroom." Jack asked what I did this time around. "I don't know dude. All I know is that she's in for it when she gets home for dinner. Too bad dad doesn't allow outsiders to dinner. You would love it." My brother laughed at it for a minute and walked over to the bathroom. He knocked on the door. "Sorry someone is in here." I said with a best male voice I can use. "I know it's you Meredith. Just make sure you are at dinner, or dad will have your head in his office before you could smoke your last smoke." With that my brother was gone. I spent two more hours with Jack and headed home finishing off my pack of smokes. I dug through my backseat to find the body spray I use to try to hide the smell of smoke on me. I got into the house and hung my jacket and my keys on the hook. I run up stairs to finish up my homework. Not long had I shut my door when someone knocked on it. "May I come in Meredith?" My mom asked opening my door a little. "Sure I'm just finishing up my homework and looking at my reading list for the year." My mom came in and saw my room was a mess. "You know, if you let me repaint and get some new flooring for your room it could look really nice." She said trying to pick up my dirty clothes. "No mom, it's fine, it just needs to be cleaned some is all." My mom looked around a little and cleared a space on my favorite chair and sat. "You know that your dad is mad that you stayed up until 2:30am this morning? I just want to know why." I look at her. "I was just freaked out that this is my last year in high school and I don't know what I'm going to do for college yet. I know that you guys want me to go for banking and all but I want something else. I don't know what yet. I was up talking to Jack about it." "You know what you want to do Meredith you are just afraid it might hurt your family. I know you want to be a cop. But you are right your father and I want you to be a banker like us. But we also want you, our daughter, to be happy." (They have an odd way of showing it.) Mom looked at me, sighed, and then she left and came back again. "Dinner is in 15 minutes I made everyone's favorites." I went down to dinner well after it started. My family sat there and waited for me. Wasn't that nice of them? "Why are you late to dinner Meredith Anne?" My father asks. "I was trying to get ahead start on a paper that will be due at the end of the semester dad." My brother rolled his eyes. We ate without talking for ten minutes. "So how was your first day Maddie?" My father calls my sister by Maddie only because she hates being called by Madeline Elizabeth. She looked up from her phone in her lap and said: "Fine. They put me in the wrong gym though, but nothing I can't handle. Maybe you should ask how Meredith spent the first hour today daddy." I look at her and flipped her off under the table. My father drank some wine and looked at me. "How did you spend your first hour on the first day Meredith Anne?" My father folded his hands together. I took a bite of macaroni and cheese. "I spent the first hour with Lamberg because Scrubbs can't keep her mouth shut. She told Lamberg something about me, that I didn't do, and I got in trouble for it when Starla started it!" He looked at me trying not to get the veins in his head to pop out. "I don't care who started it Meredith Anne. You shouldn't have done anything to make it worse. I'm starting to think that you aren't really my daughter, because my daughter would never do anything to get in trouble." I looked at mom and asked if I could leave the table to do some reading. For about a week I try to be good so my dad didn't freak out so much. I didn't know he thought of me that way. On Friday after school I came straight home from school trying to stay on my dad's good side so he wouldn't have a heart attack. (I'll let the other two do that on their own.) I was in the living room watching tv because it's the only one in the house. I surfed the 500 channels we have, when dad walked in. I looked up because I could hear his shoes make a noise on the hard wood floor. He must have had a hard day at the bank, he didn't have his tie on and his blue eyes were blood shot. "Hey honey how was school?" I looked at him for a second. "It was fine. Maddie was trying to bug me at lunch, but it was nothing. I've already got my homework done for the weekend." That made dad smile which is a good sign. "So do you have plans this weekend? Why don't you call Angel and ask her to spend the night or something." I can tell Dad is trying to be nice. I shook my head. "Angel has to go out of town she is spending time with her grandma. And J.G is going to a college to look at it for next fall." Dad just sat there and tried not to choke out the words. "Why not ask Jackson McKinney out on a date or ask him to go to church with us?" I sat there surprised that he even asked that. "Well I can call him and see if he wants to go to the movies or dinner or something, and maybe if I can butter him up some, I'll ask about church. Don't worry I'll make sure he has a tie and sports jacket." I got up and kissed dad on the check and gave him the TV clicker. (He turns to sports 24/7 and falls asleep.) I ran to my room and shut the door. I called Jack to ask him out. Mr. McKinney picked up the phone. "Hi this is Rod McKinney speaking. Who is this?" Mr. McKinney likes me because I speak my mind. "Hi Mr. McKinney is Jack around?" Jack's dad yelled for him. After a minute or two Jack was on the phone. He must have been outside doing car stuff or something. "Hey Mere' what's up?" We talked for a few minutes. "You want to go out tonight say a movie or pizza?" I asked. Jack thought about it for a minute or two. "Sure babe pizza and movie sounds great. I've been working on my dad's Toyota all day and I still don't know what's wrong with it." I laughed at it. Mr. McKinney is the only one I know who actually likes Toyotas for some reason. "I don't know what's playing, but we can check the drive in when we go. I think it's some 80's movie." Jack says. We talked for a few more minutes and said see you at 7:00pm and love you. Since I only had like three hours to get ready I started going through my clothes trying to find something sexy and that dad would let me out of the house in without freaking out. I jumped in and out of the shower and started trying to dry my hair. It took me about an hour. It took another hour to curl it just right. By the time I had gotten dressed and did my make-up, the clock on the computer read 6:57pm. I threw my shoes on and rushed down stairs before dad saw me, but it was too late. I was just about to grab the door when I heard laughing from the living room. I looked in to see Jack and Dad talking about sports. I walked in and tried to listen to what they were saying but I didn't understand it at all. I guess I had to be a guy to understand football stats. "Jack it's time to go. How long have you been here?" They both looked at me at the same time. "I've been here for ten minutes, don't worry Meredith." Jack said to Meredith smiling. Dad got up and said: "I was just trying to get to know Jackson Anthony a little honey. Don't freak out. Is that what you kids say? Freak out." I look at him carefully. Dad had been drinking. He tries to be cool when he is drunk. I rolled my eyes at him. "We did until you just said that. Come on Jack we got to go." We went out the door and headed to Jack's car. He drove a van that had once been his mom's, and then his brother's before he went to the air forces. (And when it was Patrick's there was nothing but trash everywhere fast food bags and cups. Some other things. Not going to say what you can guess what that is.) Jack held the door for me. I got in and look in the back. The seats are out of it and have been replaced with a blow up bed and a couple of sleeping bags. The movie was pretty in pink, not my favorite 80's movie, but Jack and I hadn't really watching the movie. We were in the back kissing and talking. If you looked at Jack you would see an ex-football player and a guy who loves to work on cars, but only I knew the truth that he was a big sweet loving guy. "So we have had dinner and watched some of a movie now what?" Jack asked softly. I look up at him. "Well we can talk, or sleep. Or.... No you won't." He looked at me. "What is it Meredith?" I smiled at him sweetly. "Well we could make out like the two horny teenagers that we are." Jack laughed. "True we can." We kissed for a while. "Dad wanted you to come to church on Sunday. You have a tie right?" Jack got off of me and layed on his side. "Yes I have a tie; I have about ten of them. As for church, I'm not sure." I gave him my best sad look. "Please Jack for me?" He rolled his eyes. "I guess two hours of church won't kill me, but you owe me big time Meredith." I laughed. "Fine I'm your slave for a week." With that Jack grinned like a goofball and started kissing me again. All Saturday I spent cleaning my room and reading the books on the reading list for English class. A good part of them I have read before for fun. So no problem there. A couple of them I never heard before.The next day everyone woke up at 7:30 to go to church. We went to one about an hour away from our house. I was ready for it within twenty minutes and was reading a book for English. Our teacher this year was Mr. Webber he was very cool, but when it comes to papers for his class, he has a crap load of rules. The book we were reading was The Freedom Writers, it's banned from schools, but Mr. Webber said we could read them, because they teach us how to get along and write out the truth. Twenty- four minutes later mom was yelling for everyone to have some pancakes she had made. I threw the book in my church bag and ran down stairs. I grabbed the first seat I saw before my brother showed up and ate half the food in sight. My dad came in the dinning room looking like he was going to get sick any second. He must stop taking drinking tips from my brother. My father sat at the head of the table waiting to get waited on by mom. He threw a couple of pain killers in his mouth and chased it down with coffee. My sister came down with music in her ears that everyone else could hear too and her hair in curlers. My dad gave a little cry when Maddie's music went to the high note. My mom walked over and took Maddie's headphones off of her and told her to turn off her music and eat. My brother came down stairs into the dinning room looking as sick as dad. I guess they had been drinking together, even though Matt Jr didn't turn 21 until July. When my mom saw how bad my brother looked she sent him back to bed thinking he had the flu or something. Ten minutes later the doorbell rang. Dad cried again. My sister got the door. "Hey Jack everyone is in the dinning room. Come on in." The door was closed softly and Jack came in. My father got up and walked to his office and asked if Jack would go in there with him so he could talk to him. I don't know what happened in that talk with dad and Jack but it was over in five minutes. Jack came out running his fingers through his hair. I cleared my plate and looked over to where he is. "So how was it?" Jack looked up at me. "Fine Meredith." I sat on his lap for a second. I got up when I saw dad walking out of his office. "How much longer until we leave?" I ask dad. He looked at the clock in the dinning room. "About five minutes Meredith Anne." I went into the kitchen to help mom wash the dishes. Five minutes later everyone was in mom's van to go to church. It's a 2006 Wind star Ford, it's dark gray with a sun roof. Jack helped Maddie and me into the van before he got in himself. Dad marked a check on a small piece of paper. We drove along the high way with no music on or talking for 15 minutes. "So my sister called right before we left the house. You girls remember your Aunt Emily right?" Maddie and I looked at each other and said sure I think.... "Well she has a son who wants to come here and live with us. You two won't know him. He is 16 I think." Mom looked at dad. "What is his name?" my mom asks dad. "His name is Jesse Daniel. He doesn't cause trouble or anything." My dad goes on about him trying to sell to the family how great his sister's son is. "What room will he be in daddy?" My sister asked trying to kiss up. My father looked at Maddie and smiled. "Well he'll be in the guest room because I don't think he will want to share with Matt Jr." My brother was a pig and slob and whatever other name you could think of when you saw a messy room. I'd only been in his room once when I was 14 and I couldn't see the floor. He had pictures of half naked girls on his walls and one on the celling over his bed or at least I think that was his bed. There were also pizza boxes everywhere along with underwear from when he was a kid. We got to church and had a great time. Dad had to leave to go and throw up. At 12:30pm church let out. We got in the van and started to go home. "Why don't we stop and get something for lunch. Would you like to pick Jackson?" Jack looked up when my mom said his full first name. "Sure if that's okay with you Mr. Rosemen?" My dad looked at him. "It's fine with me Jackson Anthony." Jack thought for a second. "There is a great place on Freedom and 16th. My family use to go there a lot when I was a kid." We got there within ten minutes and saw the sign that read: Rossi's Family style eats. "It looks nice Jackson." My mom said putting her hand on his shoulder. Jack smiled and we all went in. Jack held the door for everyone. We talked and ate and went home. When the rest of the family went inside Jack and I hung out for a few more minutes. "So starting tomorrow I'm your slave for a week. What are you going to have me do?" Jack looked down at me and smiled. "Let's see for starters wash my clothes, and then change the oil in my dad's car..." Jack said. "You are dreaming that I'm going to touch your underwear Jack." He pouted in a cute fashion. "I'm just kidding babe. Church wasn't that bad I guess but it needed a break so people can take an hour nap." I rolled my eyes at him. "That is what the ride home is for honeybee." Jack left and I went inside and the family was in their rooms. I went to dad's study to talk to him. "Hey dad can we talk?" He looked at me. I came in the room. "I was just thinking that Jackson Anthony is a great guy after all. Maybe he will like to come to dinner one night this week." Dad must be trying to butter me up for something. Everytime he wants something he does this thing where he acts like he likes something I do. It kind of bugs me sometimes. "Dad what do you want?" He looked shocked. "You know me too well kid. I was hoping you will pick up Jesse Daniel from the bus station on Tuesday at 4:45. It will mean a lot to me and your mother if you did. I'll give you money for gas." I acted like I was thinking about it. "Sure dad I'll get him, but why were you putting checks on a piece of paper during church?" He smiled at that question. "I was just giving Jackson Anthony points and if he got more then ten I said to myself that I would lay off and be nice to the boy." I smiled at that. "How many did he get?" He grabbed the piece of paper and let me look. I saw that my father gave Jack 15 points. "So you are going to lie off of him? Does that mean I can stay out all night with him now?" Dad scuffed. "No but it means I'm going to be nicer to him." I looked at dad. "Good and by the way he hates being called Jackson Anthony. Everyone calls him Jack." Dad looked at me and hugged my shoulder. "It's late maybe you should get ready for bed soon. You have school tomorrow." I kissed dad's check and went up to my room to get ready for another Monday.The next day everything went great. I met Jack at the gas station for my coffee and smokes. "So it seems that you charmed the tie off my father. You going to tell me what happened when you talked to him yesterday? I know his study looks well scary. Try to picture that as a young child being yelled at for trying to mail your younger sibling to the middle of no where." "Your dad and I talked about us as in you and me. He wanted to make sure that I treat you right. That I wasn't using you for some twisted game. I told him that I love you and I would never do anything to break your heart because if I even thought about it you would break something of mine." I nuzzled my head into his neck to breathe in his scent for a second. "Have I told you that I love you lately? And yes if you did break my heart I would break something of yours. And you wouldn't like what I would break. But I'm happy that you and my father are on good terms." I kissed his mouth sweetly. "So what sibling tried to mail the other to the middle of no where? No let me guess you tried to mail Maddie. What did she do to tick you off as child?" "No I didn't try to mail off Maddie Matt Jr did because he didn't want another sister who might bite him. Dad didn't like that his oldest tried to mail his youngest. It sets a bad example for me. Like Matt jr had to think of himself." Jack laughed a little bite to himself. He kissed me and let me go.