You'll understand at the end

1

You were the love of my life. You are still. How do I fulfill my heart without you. How I do stop the pain and suffering. Why didn't I expect this from you. I've dealt with so much but I never once thought that you would treat me this way. I'm not going to go down again, not this time. I may cry or I may feel upset. But, I'm not gonna make my life miserable just because of you. I've already been miserable enough. I'm not going back to that train. Is it crazy that I still love you even if you caused me so much pain? Is it crazy to think that I still want you even if you hurt me. I mean you were my first love. My everything. You bought me too a whole new world filled with light and happiness. I wished you never did this to me. I wish you saw the pain in my eyes once you told me you don't want me. I wish the best for you and never the worst. How come when you hurt me with your words it doesn't make me hate you. Maybe, it's because I can never. You already done so much for me that no one ever has. You already treated me like I was wanted. I never felt insecure to you, felt scared, and uncomfortable. You were the opposite. You treated me good at times and the worse. But, it's none of are faults. I wish to say it was the right person, at the wrong time. I wish too say we are too young to be in love. I hate to say that we weren't meant to be because I was the "women of your dreams" or " I love you, than life itself" or "there's no one like you." Are those words meaningless? Was I just someone you wish to have, an idea to love. If that's it, I feel used. I feel betrayed. I feel like I've been stabbed once, and thought it was okay to be stabbed again because the first pain was healed. That doesn't work like that. I'm not a toy nor a game. I'm not used for your pleasures. I'm not used to be a runaway. My head spins around overthinking about everything that went down. I wished it was a nightmare, a April fools joke, that you would come around and tell me you just missed me, it was a mistake. The worst one you've ever made. You lost someone that would love you no matter what you do. You lost someone that cares for you. You lost someone that would die for you. You lost someone that would risk their own life for you to make sure you're happy, and that YOU have the world. I guess you didn't want that from me. You wanted less. Not to sound absurd but, there isn't no one like me. I'm not someone that can't do anything you're looking for into a girl. If you really wanted something from me I can easily do that. You were the one that didn't care to see, didn't care to know, and was selfish. It only takes patience and compromise to see what that person can offer. If you live in a world that you can't do stuff on your own yet, what makes you think you do whatever you want. There's consequences. There is a whole life out there that you didn't experience yet. Why cut to the chase of rushing and losing people. You only live once. And what you made for yourself now and what you lost is in the past. I deserve better even if you treated me if I was better than anyone else. It's hard to see which side of you is real. If you loved me or you just can't anymore. I was blamed to be changed. Changed in ways that I'm no longer myself. That I wasn't loved as myself. That I hurt myself to think what's wrong with me. That you don't love what you see. I hate to change myself again to please people. I rather be the loneliest person in the universe than kept to change my self countlessly. And at the end, I still love you and want you. I still see someone inside that disguise. The person that loved me of who I am and what I did to make me happy. I still see the light you gave me over the darkness that was leashed inside of me. I want to believe that you're still that person. If you told me our future and our life together how could that change so quick? Who changes their mind if they made sure they can never leave. If they already proved their love. That's why I believe that person is still there. Somewhere. Not now but in a lifetime. I try to wish I can live without you. I try to stay in this temporary world without you. I try to believe I can see you again and be with you. However, I don't see that happening since you said you were done with being with me. Just done. The things words can do that can cut your heart in half into pieces. A two letter word. I'm done. A word that can torture you from sleeping. Why is that? This world can easily hurt you with the people being created. God? tell me if this person was brought to me why did it leave me. If we were made for each other, compatible, and in love. We were connected as one. Nothing could have went against us. As I thought, hurt to say it wasn't like that for him.
Now that you have left me, my life has fallen apart. what did you get by leaving me, tell me now. What makes you happy now? Life is so stressful itself it's making you push people who love you into doing reckless things. The heart is asking, why did you become infidel, answer me. Was this something you thought could be easy? Is this what you enjoy to do to yourself onto other people who love you. Why? Just why? Sucks to think we get the good ones with wrong decisions. Not even an explanation. Not even a call. Not even to see that person. To ask why? So now a one letter word is hard for you to face? To answer. A reckless decision without an explanation is something a person needs to  do to change their life around. To make sure they don't continue their life the same and hurt other people. To make sure that they don't have a negative impact that could potentially bring them down in the long run.