[✔] lightbulb » lee taeyong & na jaemin

ch. 34

ikigai: a reason for being; the thing that gets you up in the morning

» ara's pov // present »

knocking on jaemin's door, i patiently waited for him to open it. after a few minutes of waiting, i rolled my eyes and walked around his house to his bedroom window. banging on the wall beside it, the curtains were instantly swept to the side, revealing a yawning jaemin.

sliding open his window, he yawned again. "what are you doing at this time in the morning, ara?" he laid down on his bed and pulled up his blankets to his chin.

i stared down at the floor. he was obviously tired. "i'm sorry..."

"it's fine. what happened?" he patted the bed, motioning for me to sit down. "it's your birthday, too, so why do you look so sad? oh—happy birthday, by the way."

i put my face into my hands. "arghh," i groaned. "taeyong and i...argued. and he slapped me."

jaemin sat up straight. "on your damn birthday?"

i sighed. "yeah. i mean, yeah, i did say some bad things, so it's partially my fault-"

"-hearing something you don't like is not an excuse to hit the so-called person you love," he interrupted. he snuggled against me. "continue?"

"well, i- i had a dream...and my room was like a baby's room, you know? and then i looked down and i was holding a baby but the face was blurry, so i was wondering, 'what's going on?' and i had a ring on my finger. but two kids, twins, came in, and i could tell i loved everybody in the room but then...one of them—the boy—came forward, and said, 'mommy'! and then his face became crystal clear for just a moment, and it was me and taeyong's combined, and i just...panicked. and i-"

jaemin took a big breath to cut me off of my rant. "that...is a lot of information to process. and that's only the dream. tell me everything else."

"well, when i got up and showered and did all of that, i went outside, and he was there with a cake on the dining table, and he told me...to make a wish. and i—i don't know why—i said i wanted kids, and to get married, and y-yeah...he yelled at me, and i shouted back, and he..." i looked down. "he slapped me."

"what. the. fu-" he paused. "sorry. i shouldn't curse. but what's a relationship if you won't have kids? are you just going to die together, hand in hand?" he was obviously angry.

strangely, i was now mad on behalf of taeyong. "if it has to be that way, so be it. you can't force somebody to take on the responsibility of being a parent, even if you're not the pregnant one, or the one giving birth. i love him."

"so much you'll let him slap you?"

"yes." and it was the truth.

there was silence as nobody spoke. at the same time, we both tried to apologize.

"you go first," i told him.

"let's try again, okay? happy birthday, ara."

"why, thank you," i simply said.

"let's throw a party."

with just the two of us, we did so. he brought out a cake he had baked himself just an hour ago—understanding that i wouldn't eat it—and turned on my playlist. at that moment, i could pretend that life was okay, i wasn't anorexic, my boyfriend didn't hit me, and my best friend didn't hate him.

a knock on the door interrupted our dancing. of course, if it could count as dancing, since i was a horrible dancer and looked like i needed to pee.

i peeked through the camera jaemin had just installed. "it's miyeon!" i opened the door without thinking, forgetting about the tension between jaemin and miyeon.

"hey, ara," she smiled. "i wanted to drop off a gift. i heard laughing from here so i decided to check here first." her eyes quickly flicked to behind me, where jaemin was standing. her eyes had sharpened. "i'll leave now," she said, suddenly cold.

"no, please stay," i asked her. i missed my best friend.

"i can't..." she gave me a weak smile. glancing behind me again, she stepped forward and gave me a quick hug before leaving. in that split second, i squeezed her hard, trying to show her how much i still loved her and how much i missed her. she ran off before i could say anything else. i turned around to see jaemin staring at her with regret, once again.

——

» author's pov // four years ago »

ara and jaemin had been ignoring each other ever since she chose taeyong over jaemin. years of friendship over this new, attractive guy.

miyeon was about to leave seoul to head to tokyo. she had kept it all to herself, and nobody knew that she would be leaving.

everybody knew her parents died in a plane crash, though.

she was going to have to fly to tokyo to attend their funeral there, where they had traveled to a few months ago. they were supposed to come home a day ago. according to witnesses, the plane lifted off, and after a few minutes, one of the major parts began failing. the pilot turned the plane around to land, but they had hit a cliff while turning as the pilot lost control and the plane dropped. only a few bodies were found as most fell into the ocean. miyeon was supposed to feel lucky that they found her parents. she strangely felt worse.

despite her attempt at secrecy, ara had overheard a phone call asking miyeon to come visit her parents. no—begging miyeon to come. she overheard miyeon's sobs, pleading for them to let her stay by herself and away from reality. she shouldn't have overheard the conversation, but she was coming to check up on miyeon and make sure she had somebody to watch her as the stages of grief slowly hit her. she heard the exact time and date of departure, and she knew exactly what to do.

she would surprise miyeon at the airport as a final goodbye; as a reminder that miyeon would always have friends waiting for her here in korea.

the next day, she drove to the airport, seeing miyeon. she began to run up to miyeon, knowing that she would be leaving the waiting area soon. ara had woken up a bit later than she had planned, so she was late. her asian mom would be extremely disappointed if she knew; always coming a good eight or nine hours before departure just because she could.

"miyeon!" she said, trying to catch her attention from far. but miyeon was looking in the opposite direction. "miyeon! over here!"

suddenly, somebody appeared in front of miyeon. she stopped right in her tracks, and the hand she was waving dropped. they were too far away to notice her, but she could clearly see who it was.

jaemin.

miyeon leaned in, saying something that ara couldn't hear because of how far away she was. she watched as miyeon quickly reached up and kissed jaemin in front of everybody, like a couple separating. she watched as jaemin shoved her off—lightly. and she watched as miyeon came forward and hugged him, anyway.

she ran off, strangely heartbroken, before she could see anything else.