The Koel's Melancholia

Mother

"Say what, now?" Dolma raises her eyebrows at me.

"Rahul Diwan was my childhood friend, and we were together for so long. So, when I caught him in the drug bust..." I say.

"You caught him? What were you, a cop?" she asks, dumbfounded.

"Yes," I sigh.

"And you worked on this case?"

"Yes, I did. It was a week before my marriage, and I found out that Rahul was involved in this, so I broke off the marriage, and left Kolkata..."

"Yeah, no one cares about this pity party of yours," Dolma interrupts me. "You investigated this case, and when I asked you about it you said you 'must have heard about it'?"

"I did not want to bring that stuff up. You must realise that it's a sore spot for me." I decide to ignore her rudeness in the face of her sorrow.

"Yes, it is a sore spot, alright," she huffed. "Don't you think if you had told us of your backstory, Babai would have lived?"

"What?" I stare at her uncomprehendingly, "Are you serious? How could knowing my past have prevented him from getting murdered?"

"I don't know, maybe we would have talked about the details of the case, and we could have landed on the fact that Kuntal was involved in that thing, and then we could dig up a little..." she says, throwing up her hands.

"So, you are actually suggesting that it was my fault that Babai got killed?"

"What if someone followed you here? What if you were the target for the murderers and Babai got killed instead!" she shouts.

"So you'd have been happy if I was killed? You would have, I'm sure. And weren't you supposed to talk to him about his boyfriend, in spite of whatever doubts you had. You didn't, because you were too afraid to lose your friendship. So much so that you didn't care about his life!"

As soon as the words come out of my mouth I want to reclaim them, press a button on a time machine and go back, do anything but stop something like that coming out. But they're out.

Dolma's eyes turns to red faster than the traffic lights in the city. She looks at me with utmost hatred says, "You should leave, Pakhi."

I leave as fast as I can without actually running.

On the way back, I pass by Babai's cafe. I stop by it for a moment, feeling like it has been years probably, that I first entered this cafe. No one is around the little place, which gives it an air of abandonment. So opposed to the lively place just a few days back.

Too restless to get into that house and chat with the ghosts, I decide to take a walk around the town, perhaps even visit the nearby cemetery. There is not much to do in Simlabari, and we are not allowed to leave this place.

After several hours of wandering aimlessly, I reach the cemetery. It's a quaint, little place, surrounded by flourishing green trees, and flowers.

Babai's body is still in the mortuary, I know. But there is someone else I need to meet. I only have to check for a few tombs before I find her. A simple, gray stone, marked with the words:

Miss Eva Sherpa (1952-2017)

A loving woman, and a mother to all of Simlabari

We'll miss you.

I lay down the flowers I had bought from the vendor outside the cemetery on her grave, then sit back. For the first time since I have faced the gruesome murder, I feel at peace.

"Hello, Miss Sherpa. Hope you are doing well in your heavenly abode. We haven't met, but I have heard so much about you. And I feel like I have known you forever."

I take a deep sigh, and continue, "Miss Sherpa, you know why I am here, don't you? I know how devastating it is for you, to see the misfortunes that has gripped your home, and your children. It has been tough for all of us, you see it, don't you?"

I pause as I choke back a tear. "You know it is not my fault, don't you, Miss Sherpa? I couldn't have done anything to save Babai. But Dolma was right, I brought this misfortune with me. I am the curse!"

I begin to cry in earnest. Whatever guilt I have felt in the past few days returned in full force, attacking all at once until none of my defense remains. A few minutes pass, and then some more, as I rock back and forth on my knees until I fall asleep in the soft grass.

When I come around, evening has fallen. And in the bright, orange lights of the night, snow has started to fall. They look like bright pearls falling from the sky. I stay still, snow soaking into my clothes, but I don't get up soon. The soft blanket of fuzz falling from the heavens feels like Miss Sherpa's warm hands, patting me on the back, telling me that it is not my fault, and that she is here with me.