"Shoot For The Stars"

Welcome To The Party

My real-life dance partner is gone & I'm forever stuck w/ the notion that I'll never get that time back: I'll never be able to listen to another track without you coming to me first for approval, nor will I be able to face Ms. Drea w/o balling my eyes out. I love you, hell, we all do, and I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'm even more sorry that you're not here to witness Obasi climbing the charts. Anyway, let me conclude this. I remember you saying you didn't wanna hear any of that soft non-gangsta shit in your afterlife, so let me let you rest up King. We'll get justice for you one day, believe dat. Just remember baby, the smoke will never clear . . .

Happy Birthday Papa! 💨💨💫💫

I clicked the post button on my second favorite social media site (Facebook), dimmed the phone, & laid it beside me. Then I closed my eyes and recited Bashar's favorite morning prayer.

"You're right, Bashar" I replied to him in spirit after ending my prayer, "It's about time I went out and popped my shit, respectfully (of course)".

It was as if I blinked my eyes after saying that & all of a sudden, I'm standing on the balcony of Bashar & Obasi's mother's second-story crib overlooking a crowd of about 300 people or so. Yes, it was that big. Shar really took care of us before he left. You would've thought that I was a celebrity by the treatment I was getting on his day. First, there was the applause, then came the flowers & condolences. You can't tell me my baby didn't leave his mark behind.

"Wanna say something to the crowd?" Obasi asked me. "I'll stand right here with you if you need me to". I glanced at the crowd, then my crazy behind goes: "Y-yes, I'll do it"

Hand-in-hand, Obasi & I walked up to & stood before this podium that Bashar made a couple of years ago. He then grabs the mic from the stand and hands it to me.

Every single person in the crowd stopped doing what they were doing and faced me:

"Ion wanna hold y'all" I began, "But I do want to thank each & every one of you for loving and supporting Bashar. He would have loved this. One thing about that boy, he was about family. I began getting a little overwhelmed w/ anxiety, so I ended my speech with:

"Well welcome to the party. Enjoy yourselves. The food & drinks are free, don't forget to check out these bomb ass vendors & remember . . . the smoke will never clear?"

My speech was then followed by yet another round of applause; instead of sticking around for it, I turned around & stepped back into my comfort zone (the house).

"It took a lot of courage to get up there & do what you did" Ms. Andrea said after entering the house & sitting at the table with me, "And you did that, honey! He would be so proud of you".

[I chuckled a lil bit through my tears & then said]: 'Shar stayed challenging me to do stuff. He knew that speaking in public was a weakness of mine, so he'd give me that wat--"

"It's ok" Ms. Andrea said while welcoming me into her arms and embracing me while my tears fell on her Amiri blouse, "You don't have to talk about it anymore".

"Excuse my language, but this shit isn't fair!" I cried, "I don't wanna be here no more, Mama, I can't do this!"

"You can & you will" she replied before letting me go, "We'll make sure of that. As long as I'm here, you'll always have a place to lay your head at and a listening ear, you hear me?"

" . . . Yes ma'am" I replied.

Now I see why Bashar loved his mama so much. She always went above and beyond to make sure he & his brother had everything they needed to succeed in life. I don't know about y'all, but it's the love for me. Bashar may have never left behind a legacy between the two of us, but he did leave making sure I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. 1 thing for certain and two things are for sure, I love him to life. The smoke will definitely never clear!