Me raging over nothing and wanting to kill myself

Trip to Arizona and back

So.... I went for a vacation to Arizona.

Bad idea.

There was water everywhere. It was storming for days. While we were there we stayed in a hotel. It was me, my mom, my cousin, and my grandma. My grandma chose to stay with us at the hotel instead of at her house. My cousin was the only boy in the hotel but yet that doesn't matter. The whole time my cousin was there he was hitting me. He said he was playing rough but he kept punching me and chocking me till I couldn't breath.

We had went to a Walmart and it was pretty fun until... My mom got upset at me because I was being very active. When my mom was telling me to calm down and that I was being to loud I saw a cute baby outfit that had the pan sexual flag on it. I quickly said something about it. And my mom said I was being rude and started complaining about how I was being to loud again. So I stopped talking and was being really quiet. When I stopped talking my mom got upset. She started calling mean for ignoring her and how I was being so rude. And started mocking me.

We ended up in the pool alone because my mom and grandma were picking something up. My cousin kept dunking me under the water and holding me there. When I tried getting out of the water he pushed me back in. He kept calling me a baby. When my mom and grandma came back they got in the pool and my mom called my dad to check in.

My dad told my mom he was cooking diner. My dad hadn't cooked diner for months. He promised me everyday that he would make food. And a bonus he was making my favorite meal. Told my mom he was making breakfast lunch and diner.

I had to see my mom and cousin argue and then him get kicked out of the hotel and then my grandma had to drop him of and the house with his mom.

2 days after that I had my first panic attack. Let me explain. We had went to a Cracker Barrel because chili's closed. We were sitting there and the waiter had just finished asking us what we wanted for our meal. I asked him if he was 🌈.  He said yes and started joking about being a flaming gay. A few minutes later the manager walked up to us and said that I made him uncomfortable and I was being mean. Said we had to leave. I had only asked because I'm also part of the LGBTQA+ community.

We came home a few days later. On the way home I wasn't feeling well. When we arrived home the first thing I found out was that they had renamed my dogs when I was gone. I was really upsets. The whole day I wouldn't talk to anyone. I needed to take a shower so I needed the conditioner from the back of the truck and I had to get it from my mom. When getting it my mom asked me why I was being so bitchy even though she was the first one I told that I named the dogs.

So yeah BYE...