there are a series of desires each body craves
sex,
money,
food (or lack thereof),
clothes.
it comes in waves
for me it often sits stagnant
until i can act upon it
it's this animalistic side that i don't want to contain
i've ached to have another person feel the same way
to not just WANT
to not just CRAVE
but to HUNGER for touch
to THIRST for pain
because where there is a little bruising there lies a little pleasure
i often find myself in a rut
do i follow through with this rabid behaviour or do i lie stuck?
close the curtains hurriedly
i want desperate hands to reach for me
in this moment i cannot see
and then when it's all over
i detach for awhile
bored of hearing things like, "i want her"
this wasn't even your body to use
so why did i share it?
why, because i couldn't bare it?
i know i have self control
i know that i know when to say "no"
that as soon as he goes down
makes me tremble
my knees go weak
when the lips reach my neck and fingers dig into the flesh
my heart beats rapid
my mind goes numb
it's all just one, constant buzz
this
i thought I'd like
thought I'd survive
just like the rest of society
but when he gets up to go wash off
i lay motionless
i don't deny that i didn't ask for this
my eyes shut tight
for a moment i was his
caught in a lustful locked gaze
we only want one thing when we're in it
it's not love
it's not trust
it's an excuse, a distraction, to fulfill that idea that this is something i must
(have)
and not later
but right now
hurry, before it passes
hurry, let's see how long he lasts
abuse my carnal treasure in one way or another
abuse my soul
another chip off the shoulder
and i'll go cold.
