THE FAN:
I loved music of any kind. Whether it is rock and roll, heavy metal, ballads, blues, hip hop, or the run of the mill pop love song I loved them all. Still, it really depends on the mood though. Quite frankly, I never could have gotten this position in my band as lead vocals and composer without the love for music.
Well, music inspires people. Makes them feel what they want to feel... But I guess that's one way to put it...
I adored musicians from all over the world. I treat them all with equal respect but my greatest object of love was a foreign band. I was convinced they were the greatest of all time, especially the vocalist. The first time I heard him, it was magical. Although it was just a post from youtube and the sound was a bit blurry, I could still feel like he connected with me...
After that encounter, I completely forgot everything that I wrote and diverted my attention to him. Constantly, I tried to mimic his movements.
Trying everyday to do what he did, gallivanting on stage with the drum beating to aide him, a top notch voice that would make the listening the angels weep at its perfection. I so desperately wanted to be like him, I did everything in my power to look like him and sound like him. Still, he was too perfect... It was like a pseudo-worship kinda thing. I worshiped every fibre of his being, making him a god, and all the while wallowing at the pitiful state of my career.
I was so addicted to his sound and performance that I became desperate in thinking he was the only one who understood me. He was the only one who loved me...
My band mates felt that I was too attached to his image that they slowly distanced themselves away from me. But who gives a f*ck? It was HIS music that made them. HIS music made me...
We fell apart after four years of playing together. Some had families or jobs in some company, while I remain here... Alone in worship for my demi-god. I was in a state of cluelessness when the thought popped in my head. I must find him. I must talk to him.
It was almost coincidental that they made a press release stating they would perform in our country in two days. I was so glad; I went to the nearest ticket booth and bought a vip pass. Money was no issue. I had to talk to him.
The day finally came and I saw him perform. His voice was so awesome. He could even reach the highest notes if he wanted to. His movements was so delicate, it was like running water on a smooth surface. I was in heaven. After the performance, we had a meet and greet backstage. I told him I was his biggest fan and boasted that I can sing his songs. Not that perfectly, but still I could...
He just smiled at me and said that it was nice to find someone who has the same passion as he did.He told me his love for music... He gave me tips on writing a song, saying that the best songs are based on reality. I didn't know what he meant by then but still he was correct...
I asked him what is his secret... Reaching far up into the heavens... I wanted to be close to him... He paused and looked at me bluntly, staring at me with those beautiful eyes and asked me: Can you keep a secret?
Well, I told him yes. He explained to me that once I knew there would be no going back. That I was going to change and even my impression of him would change as well. He stutters... He seemed afraid of what would happen and told his band mates that it was time. The smiled and left us alone in the room.
Before telling me an answer, he made me promise to make a song out of whatever made me feel emotional. Any feeling that was unforgettable I should make a song out of it...
I didn't think it was that serious but I guess, looking back on it now, the results were amazing. What he told me was on the mark and finally it gave me a boost in my dying career.
I got a new band and together we toured the world. We claimed a lot of hearts and we gave them a performance they would never forget. Everything was in its place. Though everything changed at that point. I wasn't who I was before. I felt like I was on par with him...
But even if I had reached the top I was never happy. The constant moving and meeting managers, the paparazzi, influential people, promotions and advertisements, it was like I was a commodity. It was like everywhere I looked there were eyes surrounding me. They were judging me. Hoping that I would fail and make a mistake. This pressure... Maybe this was why he...
There was no love. It was not the music that I loved... It was just a carnival, a mechanism. But still, I pushed on and made music. Wonderful beautiful music... About my life, how I was like a puppet in their eyes... Still, I found it so empty... So meaningless with everything else clouding it...
It was just a matter of time when I had a biggest fan of my own. She looked like me, sounded like me, hell, she even dressed like me. I was dumbstruck as she related to me her life. The pseudo-worship of my image and the constant depression that lead to the breakup of her band, it was almost as if I were talking to myself.
But then, everything must change at some point. I smiled in the solace this would bring.
She asked me the same question I asked him...
I said the same exact words... This time, I couldn't help myself but reveal my real high pitched voice... Can you keep a secret? She nodded with her gleaming eyes. I looked to my band mates and motioned them that it was time. They left us alone in the room.
I made her promise to make a song out of whatever made her feel emotional... Any feeling that was unforgettable, I told her that she should make a song out of it... I gave her the knife and took off my shirt. I told her that I love music and its purity... How it connects people, binds them, and inspires them to do whatever they wanted to... Now it is just a form of control and I am the puppeteer.
Still, I love it... And I will always be its biggest fan just like the others before me... Music...
