Remember This (Virgin River)

Dark Places

I knew it was never right to keep a secret from a town that welcomed me in from the beginning, but I was still relatively new and still trying to overcome bringing myself back from a very dark place. Before I came to Virgin River, I wrestled with myself over and over again, even if I had originally thought it was a good idea to come here.

Jack and I had been close growing up, but as the years went by, the further apart we became. I quickly realized the people here were relatively tame than in Sacramento. People in Virgin River were loving, watched out, and fought for each other. Still, this was a small town where everyone was aware of your business and I wasn't so sure I was okay with them finding out mine, considering that was one reason I had quit my job.

No one stood up for me or believed a man working for their firm could do such a thing as violating a woman's trust. By the time they saw him for who he really was, the trust factor had been broken and I was long out the door.

"Hi." The young woman seemed shocked like she was reconnecting with an old friend she hadn't seen in a while. She turned in her seat at the bar before stepping down and walking towards us. "Do you remember me? I'm Stella. I used to be Don's assistant." As soon as we locked eyes with me, I knew I was in trouble considering she knew all about my past.

"Oh, yeah. Hey." I would be the first to admit, I wasn't really thrilled to see or talk to anyone from that part of my life. The words stuck in my throat as if they had been glued there on purpose. Brady knew nothing about my past. I wanted nothing more than it to stay that way.

"My parents live in Clear Water." Stella went on with the conversation, clearly not sensing my inner turmoil, or paying attention to my tense body language. "What are you doing here?"

"Um, visiting." It was the best excuse I could come up with on the spot when I felt like my whole world was spinning in circles. I never loved taking medicine, even when I was sick, so when I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety, it took me a bit to warm up to the idea of taking Xanax. Now I couldn't live without it. The bottle sitting at the bottom of my bag seemed to be burning a hole through my thoughts. It was so close, yet it wasn't something I couldn't take until I was by myself.

"I swear this is like fate 'cause I wanted to tell you that you were right about--" That is where I had to cut her off knowing I no longer had the will to stop myself from the fight or flight response taking over me. I had to get away from Stella, this bar, and from Brady.

"I'm sorry, I have to go." Grabbing my purse off the chair where I had left it while dancing to one of my favorite songs still blasting through the speakers, I pulled the strap over my shoulder and bolted for the door. I gasped for air like a fish out of water, my hands shaking as I searched desperately for my car keys to escape. My fingers couldn't click the unlock button fast enough as I rushed to my car, stopping near the curb to dig through my purse for a pill. Grabbing the water bottle I stashed on the side of the door I swallowed it and gasped with relief that was shattered as soon as I saw him exiting through the front door.

"Brie!" His response was muffled through the car and the space between us. Even from a distance, I could tell he was torn whether to approach me or leave me alone, but I didn't give him the option as I pressed my foot on the gas and took off down the street. A few minutes later, my phone chimed a few times with messages I knew were from him, yet I didn't stop to look.

Every minute seemed to slow until I finally pulled into Jack's. The windows of the bar were dark, the parking lot empty which were all signs his business had closed a long time ago. It was both a relief and terrifying that I was alone. However, Stella coming so close to revealing my past had spooked me to my very core. I walked a little quicker towards the back door, my already heightened senses causing me to think I wasn't truly alone. If that weren't enough to spook me, the wind rustled the leaves of an old oak tree near the side of the bar.

You're okay. I tried to tell myself as I unlocked the back door. Still, as I entered, I pulled it closed and secured it again quicker than I ever had before. The dim lights had me jumping at shadows, even my heels clicking against the wood floor seemed loud to my ears. I slipped them off, carrying them by the straps as I made my way straight for my bedroom. Throwing my shoes down, they tumbled beside the dresser and I made my way into the bathroom. I should have felt equally safe being behind three locked doors. Truth was, it still didn't feel like enough.

Splashing some water on my face, I caught an honest reflection of myself in the mirror. I looked paler than usual, beads of sweat forming near my hairline, and dark sunken eyes that made me look like a zombie more than anything. I let out a sigh, drying my face with the towel hanging up by the sink, and walked back into the bedroom.

Despite my fears, I flipped off the switch and curled up underneath the covers. I sat there for a long time taking in deep breaths, finally feeling my body relax as I reminded myself that this was a different place, town, and set of people. Even with him out there somewhere, weighed heavily in the back of my mind. Snuggling underneath the comforter was just enough to keep me from reaching a dark place I had buried in my façade of happiness.