TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death // ao3 reupload

Chapter 13: You Got Games On Your Phone?

Wilbur huffs, adjusting his grip on the child in his arms, "We could have just left them behind. They aren't needed."

Phil smiles, cradling the unnecessarily tall child as they walk, "How could we leave them?"

"Easily," Wilbur deadpans.

"They are packages," Techno shrugs, small child flung over his shoulder carelessly.

"We came here for Tommy ," Wilbur reiterates with a glare. " One child."

"And we got two for free," Phil chirps happily, wings fluttering.

"Packages."

"Tubbo is a fucking demon. He will probably try to murder us in our sleep," Wilbur scowls, "And Ranboo is just weird."

Phil frowns slightly, arms tightening around the child, "Leave Ranboo alone, mate, he ain't done nothing wrong."

Wilbur makes a face, "Did you see what he made?"

"I thought it was tasty," Techno shrugs, "Spaghetti in a pie. Innovative."

Wilbur stares at him.

"He just likes spaghetti," Phil adds.

"He's weird."

"You're weird."

"Shut the fuck up Techno before I-"

"No defenstration Wil," Phil sighs, "He's holding Tubbo."

Wilbur smirks, "Even better."

"Wil, no," Phil sends him a firm look, "God, you are unhinged. "

______

Tommy wakes up gradually.  He sits up from a suspiciously comfortable bed and pauses.

Where the fuck?

Oh.

Oh not again.

It seems he has been kidnapped. Re-kidnapped.

" Clementine," He calls out, glancing around the bed until he finds the sprite bottle. "Why the fuck do you keep letting this happen to me?"

Clementine stares up at him

Tommy huffs, "No, that's not good enough, you should have used my glock."

He sighs. Time to escape once again and hopefully not get defenestrated by Tubbo.

Tommy shuffles out of the bed with a scowl. Honestly... how inconvenient.

You get sick once and suddenly you're constantly being taken by three of the top ten heroes.

He's got one foot out of the window when he's grabbed by his hood.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Technoblade.

Tommy huffs. "I'm trying to fucking leave before my face is plastered on another billboard."

He hears a snort and turns to look at the man, raising an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't worry 'bout that," Technoblade shrugs.

"Well it's not your fucking face that's gonna be on-"

"Come with me," The hero sighs, tugging on the boy's hoodie.

Tommy lets out an indignant noise as he is pulled away from the window, "No!" He protests, "This is very illegal."

"I've given you guns," Technoblade smirks, "This is the least illegal thing I've done."