Just to say this is a lizzington so yeah.
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"When someone does something nice you are supposed to say thank you." My heart was jumping out of my chest. I could see a hint of tears fill his eyes.
"Thank you. But never do that again."
Maybe he is way beyond repair. Maybe he is broken. All this time I didn't know. I love him. I can say that now (to myself). The best thing I could come up with is that I care. I don't just care. I really do love him.
My mind is racing and I just react when I grab his hand.
I want to fight him on this. Tell him that just as long as he keeps getting himself almost killed I will keep risking my life and that's how it's going to be. On more than one occasion I thought that Raymond Reddington was dead. That rocked my core. With Braxton, seeing him lying on the floor dead. Pumping his chest. I wasn't his last chance, he was mine. He is my last hope of something better. I could be happy. He looked at me.
I didn't want to say this cruel but I want to make a point. I want to tell him how I felt about his little game. Thinking that I would leave him. Go on live my life without him.
"If I can never do that again neither can you."
He looked at me shocked.
"And what is that exactly?" He said like he always does. He knows exactly what I'm talking about but wants to asks anyway. "You can't just give up and accept your fate. I need you to fight for that. If not for yourself then for me. You can't leave me," I felt the shakiness in my voice and the multiple tears that fell from my eyes. He squeezes my hand and suddenly all of the fear of what might happen next lifts off my shoulders.
"Not ever, because... I need you."
The last tear rolled down my chin.
A strong silence fell in the car.
I could see him shifting in his seat.
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This is where it gets steamy folks.
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He turned to me.
"Lizzie, you don't want to be saying this to me. I am a man who does not deserve someone like you."
That's how he feels about himself. I'm so sorry Red that you feel that, I said in my mind.
"But you do. You don't know it yet, but you do. I love you, Raymond," my arm drifted from the leather covered seat to his leg. "That's why I came back for you. That's why I wanted you to stay because I love you." I gazed at him. I could see a slight quiver in his lip. I can't believe I just did that. I can't believe I just said
I love you. His face looked so neutral but I could tell what he was feeling. I saw that in his eyes. I squeeze his leg and he looks down at my hand. "Say something." I couldn't stand the silence. "Lizzie you have no idea how long I have waited for you to say that. But this.... can't happen. We can't happen." He pulled my hand off his leg and placed it back on the seat.
"I know the risks Red, but I don't care." I moved even closer to him. My heart was bouncing in my chest. My breathing low and shallow. "Why can't we Red?" I moved my body even closer. Am I crazy for doing this? I really think I am. I could lose my job. My work is the last thing I have. But I want Red even more. We are only inches apart. If I moved even a little it could have been accidental.
"Lizzie", he said in a low growl. "Raymond", I said back his given name. It felt sweet on my lips. His hand on my leg and mine on his.
It felt like more than a kiss. It felt like a fusion of beings. His lips were soft as they attacked mine. Part of me wanted to push him away. The logical part of me wanted to slap myself for staring this, also to slap him just as hard because he's kissing me back. He's kissing me back. It was slow and sensual. Like the sunrise in a way. The warmth of it, his arms wrapped around me. A part of me wanted to let go, but the rest of me wanted him to stay.
