"You can taste the dishonesty
It's all over your breath
As you pass it off so carefully
But even that's a test
Constantly aware of it all
My lonely ear
Pressed against the walls of your world"
"Babe, it's not what you think. I was out with the boys. We went to a sports bar then hung out at Ron's house afterward."
As the words rolled off his tongue, I couldn't do anything but just look at him. I wouldn't argue because I already knew the truth. I was hoping and praying, and he would be honest with me, but the more he talked, the more he started believing his own lies. It felt as if he was talking in circles, but I still couldn't bring myself to argue or even stop him from talking and present my evidence.
"C'mere babe. I know you're always overthinking, but it's starting to make you seem crazy. You constantly accuse me of things and if you feel like you can't trust me, you might as well be single. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with an insecure person."
"Pray to catch you whispering
I pray you catch me listening
I'm praying to catch you whispering
I pray you catch me"
"She's in bed sleeping, can I come over?...... I know I know but it'll be just us soon. I promise. Hang on, I hear something."
As I lay in our bed awake listening in, I just look up at the ceiling blinking away the darkness. I rolled over to face his silhouette standing in our master bedroom's bathroom. I tried to be silent, but I was silently hoping he saw me looking at him. I wondered what he would say. What lie he would try to conjure up this time. Silent tears rolling down my face, but as long as he was happy so was I.
"Why are you just lying there babe? Are you okay?" He says looking seriously concerned. He has to know I heard him, but I guess if I don't say anything he won't either. He came and laid down and put his arm around me and I was out like a light.
"Nothing else ever seems to hurt
Like the smile on your face
When it's only in my memory
It don't hit me quite the same
Maybe it's a cause for concern
But I'm not at ease
Keeping my head to the curb"
It's been 24 hours now and he hasn't called, texted, or came home. I'm hoping he's okay. I keep seeing his bright smile behind my eyelids, but lately it's been so dull, and I don't know if that's because of me. Does she make him smile that bright smile now? Am I that much of a burden? Am I the problem? I question myself so much now and I still feel as if I need to prove something.
I'm worried about myself and why I no longer try to put my happiness first. I'm scared, terrified even. I'm caving in on myself and starting to think maybe I am crazy.
"Pray to catch you whispering
I pray you catch me listening
I pray to catch you whispering (whisper, whisper)
I pray you catch me (whisper, whisper)
I pray you catch me
I pray you catch me (praying)
I'm praying you catch me"
"I'm just so over this. I just want to be freed....... She walks around looking sad all the time and nobody wants to see that shit..... Yeah bro she's like a shadow of her old self and she's always talking about being depressed but she never speaks to me about it. At this point she just wants attention"
Once again, I was just sitting here listening to him and I couldn't do anything but pray he noticed me standing outside his office building. I wanted him to talk to me. No, I NEEDED him to see me and to ease my worries. To tell me he loves me still. To tell me this is repairable.
"What are you doin' my love?"
