Rewriting Fate (Good Girls Series #5)

Chapter 42: Present

"T-Teka lang---Blaze!" I grabbed his wrist and stared at him in the eye. Nagulat ako nang makita ang walang emosyon niyang mga mata. "B-Blaze---" inalis niya ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakahawak ko at nagpatuloy ulit sa paglakad palayo pero hindi ako nagpatinag. I grabbed his shoulders and made him face me forcefully. "Nagseselos ka ba? Nagseselos ka sa amin ni Aizren? I am sorry..." bulong ko at tumungo.

But he didn't respond. I know that silence means yes but it looks like the other way with him.

"Pasensya na, Blaze. I am just too preoccupied, natuwa ako na ipinagluto niya ako ng pagkain. It was just that... he's there. He was there when I have no one to lean on. Sorry." From his shoulders, my hands slid down to his hands. I held it tightly and smiled, "Mahal pa rin kita, huwag kang mag-alala." Ngumiti ako at pinaglaruan ang kamay niya.

But like what he did earlier, he didn't respond. He didn't even react. It was as if the strings of my guitar all broke at the same time, the music in my heart started being off beat and had its tone a chaos.

"Masakit na, Blaze, ha? Masakit na ang katahimikan mo." I laughed sarcastically to hold my tears. "Bakit ka ba ganyan, ha? Prank ba 'to? Pwes, kung prank 'to, talo na ako! Gago ka ba?" I hit his chest so he stepped back. He bit his lower lip, I can see the frustration in his eyes. "Ano? Umimik ka! Umimik ka! Don't make me feel like I am the most stupid person in the world! Do you have tonsillitis? Did you cut off your tongue? Do you have canker sores? Are you eating something? Do you have a sore throat? Did you get a tongue piercing and it's numb? What?! Give me a clue, Blaze! Gulong-gulo na ako!"

"Wala," napakalamig na sagot niya.

"Oh! Wala naman pala, eh! Anong ginagawa mo?! Bakit mo ako ginaganito?" I asked, "The way you looked at me, the way your eyes look like you are helpless, the way you look at me without any single hint of guilt, the way that... bullshit!" I turned my back to him to wipe off my tears. "Ano? Did you witness how happy I was with Aizren that night? Sumipot ka ba nang hindi ko alam? Nagseselos ka ba? Blaze, hindi ko pinagsisisihan na sumaya ako kahit papaano sa presence ni Aizren. Because that night, I had him. Now tell me, why aren't you saying sorry? You can't contact me. You can't set a schedule for the two of us and you even told me that you're busy when in fact you are just with Ash! Partying. And when we got the chance to see each other you made me wait for four hours without a single message or clue that you won't come, you made me wait for fucking nothing! Bakit? Bakit?!" sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at humawak sa dibdib ko. Galit. Galit ang nararamdaman ng puso ko ngayon. "I don't hate you because you made me wait, I hate myself for waiting even if the circumstances are telling me not to wait anymore. I hate my feelings, I hate my love for you!" now, this will be my confession.

"I'm glad that you are happy. Sige lang, balikan mo na siya..." my mouth gaped open. I counted in my head that felt so empty right now. four, five, six, seven, eight, nine... Nine seconds before it sank into me.

"B-Blaze..." my voice trailed off. His piercing cold eyes looked on mine. May kakaibang hapdi akong nararamdaman dahil sa mga tingin niya.

"Aizren Treivor is a good guy." Hindi ko mabasa ang emosyong ipinapakita niya. Pati ang tono ng boses niya. Sana kaya ko siyang intindihin sa sitwasyon na 'to. Mababaw, pero ang sakit. "He can cook your favorite food, he can bake, he can dance for you, he can wait for you, he won't let you wait, he can do everything for you... I wish I can too, but I couldn't." and yeah, he's insecure. Dapat matuwa ako kasi hinahangad niya na makuha ang atensyon ko kapag nagawa niya ang mga bagay na sinabi niya, pero hindi ako gano'n ka-selfish.

"Ano bang sinasabi mo, Blaze?"

"Shanice, we both know what's better, right?" he asked. I can see the pain that passed by in his eyes quickly. He bit his lower lip for the nth time and looked away. Nakita ko ang panginginig ng mga labi niya pati ng baba niya na pilit niyang itinago sa pamamagitan nang pagtakip nito gamit ang kamay. "Whatever is in between us..." he halted, parang ayoko marinig ang sunod na sasabihin niya. Parang gusto kong takpan ang bibig niya at huwag siyang hayaang magsalita. Pero wala na akong nagawa... "Ayoko na."