Life for the outsider

Moving

How could I have done it..The blood, Oh god so much blood...So many screams followed by the sound of body’s hitting the floor. Pain filled cries ring in my head over and over. I did this. I'm a monster, one of the worst in the world. Who am I? What am I? Darkness tints the area, allowing me to see what I did. Fear rips through me. I can’t hold it back. Claws try to rip out of me, trying to show what I try to hide. Its going to come back. How long until then? How long until more screams are heard and more body’s drop, just until it is satisfied...
 
"Kio! Are you even listening to me?!" I hear my dad trying to get me to talk to him but my mind reels away from him. How do I get stuck with my dad in a car? Oh yeh, I remember now. His stupid job. If only my dad could actually keep a job, we wouldn’t be in this situation! As if reading my mind, he says to me, "Come on Kio. Its not my fault we have to move!" I feel myself shudder from his words. Yeh, moving again. This is around the 7th time this year? Outside, houses and people flash right by my window. Just like my life. Here one second then moving onto the next part. I keep on looking at the houses going past, but the reflection of my eyes from the side mirror keeps distracting me. Bright green. Is it even normal to have green eyes as bright as mine? Luckily, my hair, as blonde as a lemon with a tint of brown, helps take away the weird shade of eyes I have. Is this really who I am? The boy loner in the world. No friends. No social life at all. Only had one girlfriend when I was 13. A stranger to the world. I want to be known. To be a friend to the world, not the outsider, to be able to get involved. None of that is ever going to come true. Half way through the journey of moving so many times, I gave up and kept to myself. I sigh and lean down further in my seat, pulling my hood over my head. "Don't forget Kio, you have school in the morning. I'll try to get you up but I am going to be leaving early to go to the job centre. All of our stuff is already in the house so we will need to unpack only a few things when we get there." My father sighs, insisting how tired he is to do it all tonight. Probably from how much he doesn't sleep but worries instead. I nod but keep on saying nothing. It all changed once mom died. When I was 7, my mam was found murdered with half a dozen other people in the middle of a forest. I’m not able to remember much from that time, only that I was the one to find them all. Blood all over the place, bodies not moving on the ground. I couldn’t move.  Stood shaking for what felt like an eternity. My dad had been walking with me at the time and had found me a few minutes later. He phoned the police. After that it’s all a bit of a blur. The thought of my mom like that keeps creeping back and nagging at my head at random moments. But mostly in my dreams. I’m scared of that thought. I keep it locked away in the corner of my mind. Nothing to do about it. I wish I had someone to talk to about it but there is no one. Not even my dad.  The lampposts begin to come to life, one by one, lighting up the street like a runway. Closing my eyes, I block out the sound of the engine and fall into the abyss that is my mind.
 
I jump up looking around. Where am I? Its dark which takes my eyes a little while to adjust. I'm still in the car. At least we are at the house now. I notice the lights on. My dad must have already gone in. I yawn and stretch before stepping out of the car. Cold air nips at my skin but I ignore it. Had worse than that. Once my foot hits the pathement I stop walking. A dark sensation rolled over my skin. What is that? I shiver and keep on walking. I'm probably still half asleep. Even so, that feeling feels so familiar. Like I've felt it before..
Once I step inside and close the door behind me, I hear my father’s voice calling from one of the rooms downstairs. "So your awake now? Your room is upstairs, first door on the left. Everything is already in there so just sleep if you want." A yawn followed not close after which made the decision easier.Sleep. It will all be here tomorrow anyway. My joints start to feel stiff as I walk up the stairs.Damn, what time is it?  Without a second thought, I'm already in my room and on the bed. My eyes close as I curl up, hugging my legs to my chest.  I don’t want to be here.
"Kio! Come on! Get your lazy butt out of bed!" The tapping at the bottom of my bed repeats over and over, sending anger through me."Ugh dad just leave me alone!" I grunt before hiding under the covers. His footsteps begin to get softer and softer as he walks away but comes back in. A thud sounds in my right ear. I suddenly remember seeing a glass on the table beside my bed the night before. He wouldn't dare.His breathing is low but I can tell he is stood right beside me.  I look up at him, seeing the glass now filled to the brim with water. He grins before saying "Don't make me do this. You know I will."
"Fine! I'm getting up! No need to torture me! I'm going to get enough of that from today."
"Don't be like that. I'm sure you will have a great day and meet a lot more new people!" I grunt and sit up. If only he knew what it was like for me on every single new day of a new school. Keeping to the shadows, not talking to anyone and blocking the world out for the entire day. Might as well get it over and done with. I run my hands over my face before looking at the demon standing at my door. Demon dad. I should call him that more often."Yeh dad I get it. Got to get up. But do you mind leaving while I get changed?" He chuckles deep in his throat. "I'm going I'm going. Not like you have anything to hide." A chuckle keeps going as he shuts the door and begins to walk down the stairs. Now I can see why he’s my dad.
 
As I step out the front door with my bag on my shoulder, I realise how beautiful this place really is. Creepy claws by night, beautiful autumn trees by day. A little stream glints from behind the trees, giving it a heavenly shade to it. The world does have its beautiful moments. Glad I was able to see it with m own eyes. The rays from the sun touch at the back of my kneck and send a warm tingle down my spine. Great day to spend inside of a noisy crowded school. I'm going to be so pissed today. I ruffle my golden hair before continuing to walk to the day filled with misery.