I was just trying to feel loved

Chapter 1 : a little bit of myself.

I know a lot of people want to know what they really look like, and honestly I felt the same. Did I look like the girl I see when I open my front camera or do I look like the girl I look like in the mirror? I still wonder sometimes. People used to call me pretty but I knew it wasn't true, the girl on the picture at that time was nothing but beautiful, ans she wasn't confident either. So what would have made me feel not pretty? Well the answer is maybe not what you expected  : I wasn't loved. I'm not talking about the motherly or fatherly kind of love. Of course they'll never call me ugly and they were always there for me. But nobody ever loved me and if they did, their love faded away quickly. Why was that? Well I don't know. But it didn't bother me as much as of now. You see I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see a pretty girl, I see a girl who's desperate for male validation , who's depressed and who's heartbroken. That's why I don't find myself pretty. The few guys I dated never called me pretty, Well they did but only before we were dating. You're probably wondering why is she telling us all of this?  Well, I thought that I was the problem because I had too many things Wrong with me  but then I realised if I'm the problem... what am I going to do now ?How come nobody ever fell in love with me?  How come when people did love me they left as fast as they came into my life? I had a hole inside my heart .... Maybe I wasn't worth loving?