Hi. So I haven't really written anything here since the beginning of new year. Completely forgot what I wrote in the chapter before this and shit was real grim, sorry about that.
Anyways, I'm ugly. What a loaded statement huh. But it's true. Which is weird cause I truly believe that there is no human that is ugly, which I know sounds preachy as fuck but seriously I don't think I've ever seen anyone that's been like psychically ugly, I've meet rotten people with ugly ass personalities but it's not the same thing.
So why do I think I'm ugly???? It's so rude to think that, like I'm stuck with myself for my whole life so why make things weird with that thought.
But I also think I'm pretty asf. Cannot tell you how many times I've seen myself in a mirror and pretended to be in a Instagram edit.
It's quite the condendrum or whatever that word is.
It's sad how everyone thinks that too. it's actually a bit comical how self critical humans are. But like whyyyyyy???
Obvi the answer is capitalism or society, it's always one of those two but my brain is too cloudy to elaborate.
Also for me, I think that as a teenager I often obsess with the "broken 💔👅🦿 kid" aesthetic. Before anyone dares to judge me, hear me out. As a kid your kind of sheltered from the world, like the real world. And the people who do the sheltering won't let you forget that however much ur hurting it can't compare to how much u hurt in the "real world" and you're like "man ur crazy invalidating me rn" and then to protect urself u obsess with being strong, bold, mean and whatnot, but not only to others but to yourself and you start restricting yourself of sleep, food or anything that brings u any kind of pleasure. Because you're like ew ur weirdo, u don't get to excpiernce high end shit like a good 6 hour long sleep. Know youre place. Then bam real world shit happens and it doesn't matter if you hate yourself or not because the world hates you and isn't afraid to show it.
Therefore I declare that I mustn't hate myself no more.
I don't really know what I wrote but if you look at it hard enough you'll probably figure it out.
