~Ashton's POV~:
The minute I sent that tweet on the band account, the one that said to block the two freshmen who hurt Maddie, I regretted it. I deleted it pretty quickly so that the girls wouldn't get horribly attacked. I'm not really someone who hurts others just to get back at them for something, I guess Bailey is, but I'm not.
I just shook my head and stood up from the small couch I had been sitting on. "You okay Ash?" Luke was giving me a look of concern as I just shrugged and climbed into my bunk. We still had a few hours before we get to our next hotel, and it was late, so I just decided to go to bed.
Luke wouldn't let me go to bed though, he knew something was up. "Really Ashton? You're just going to be an ass and pretend to be fine. What's up?" Luke sat on his bunk and stretched his arms out towards me.
I sat on his lap and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I turned and raised an eyebrow at him, he isn't usually this forward with these kinds of things. "Speak to me Ash." He smiled at me sympathetically and rested his head on my shoulder awkwardly.
"It's nothing serious, Bailey's little sis got bullied you know and I just sent a mean tweet on the band account about the girls. I deleted it but I still feel bad you know? I'm not really into the whole getting back at others for things like that...they deserved it but I don't like actually doing it." I sighed and snuggled into Luke a little more. He didn't seem to mind, he just readjusted his sitting position a little to make himself more comfortable.
"I'm sorry Ashton. You're too nice for your own good sometimes but that's not a bad thing. You have a very kind heart, it's something I admire about you." I smiled at Luke again.
"Okay well I need to sleep because I'm tired and it's been a long day." I got up from Luke's lap and climbed into my bunk. Luke groaned. "Really Luke?" I laughed at him.
"I'm used to having someone to cuddle with, you know when Ava was around? I miss having someone to cuddle with." He pouted. I've never seen Luke like this, it's amusing, really.
"Luke do you want me to cuddle with you, is that what you're actually trying to say?" Luke shyly nodded and I chuckled, laying down next to him in his bunk. He held onto my arm with both of his hands and snuggled into my back a little.
"Thanks Ash, I'm sorry if this is weird for you..." Luke mumbled awkwardly.
"No it's fine Luke, I don't mind. In all honesty I miss having someone to cuddle with too, plus I'm Lashton af." I heard Luke giggle a little before we fell silent. Luke's grip tightened on my arm as he shifted a little, but he eventually stopped moving around restlessly.
I didn't fall asleep for a while, I just thought about why I missed Bailey so much, I should be used to missing the people I love. I'm away from my siblings all the time and I miss them, but for some reason I miss Bailey even more. Why am I so gosh dang cheesy?
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~Bailey's POV~:
That night Maddie slept in my bed. She said that she was still pretty upset over everything so I offered to let her stay with me. She had fallen asleep rather quickly while I just couldn't fall asleep. I wonder how Ashton is right now and what he's doing...is he lying awake, not being able to sleep? Or is he fast asleep?
When I can't sleep I usually rely on music to help me fall asleep. On a normal night I can't have any music, or any noise that isn't consistent, like a fan or furnace, but on nights where I've been trying to sleep for hours I use music to help. Mayday Parade is actually really nice to help me sleep, or perhaps a little Maroon 5. Sometimes I even go for Tyrone Wells, it depends on my mood.
I was just lying there with My Heart is Open (Maroon 5) playing through my small "Apple" earbuds. I watched Maddie sleep peacefully beside me and sighed, why can't I fall asleep that easily? Why am I still awake while she gets to sleep? No I can't go through this again...not again. The last time I did this was like three years ago, I can't fall back into this again.
My breath began to quicken and I couldn't hear the music anymore. No this can't be happening, I thought I was done with having to deal with this! I looked at Maddie, my heartbeat picking up speed as my anxiety started to take over. Three years since the last one but here I am...
No. No. No. NO. NO. NO!!!! STOP! My thoughts were racing and I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew I was crying, I've never not cried while dealing with this. I cried when I was nine and my insomnia had first begun, I cried when my mom yelled at me to go to bed, saying that I was just overreacting, I cried in therapy when I had to explain what was going on, all at age nine and age ten. Too young...memories still too fresh, especially whenever these attacks occur. My therapist may have told me that I got over my insomnia, and I'm pretty sure I have, but I still have anxiety attacks that were similar to the ones I had while I suffered from my insomnia. The panic, the tears, it gets hard to breathe, memories reappear and make it worse, and the need to make sure that nobody knows about it. I can't wake up Maddie, if I do I'll have to explain it all to her and it's really not that big of a deal, I've gotten used to it.
Don't let Maddie find out.
She can't know about this!
Calm down, it'll be okay, as long as you make sure nobody finds out.
Stop controlling me!
Let me sleep!
Let me sleep!
LET ME SLEEP!
When you go through these situations your mind is racing, it takes a lot to calm it down, and sometimes it takes too long to do that.
"Please just let me sleep..." I cried into my pillow, making sure not to be too loud. Maddie can't know. My breathing calmed finally, heartbeat returning to a steady pace. It took a few minutes to fully recover but I'm fine, I'm always fine. It can just get a little scary sometimes, the fear of what happened years and years ago. But it's okay now, the attack is over. Nobody needs to know, I won't tell anyone, I haven't told anyone ever since I stopped my therapy. Ava doesn't even know about them, well she knows about the insomnia I suffered and the attacks before therapy, but Ava, and nobody but me, knows that I still get these attacks. They're rare, but they still occur. And it's okay, I have it under control.
I smiled in content at somewhat controlling yet another anxiety attack. This is Beautiful by Tyrone Wells was playing as I finally relaxed. It'll be easy to fall asleep now...
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A/N: Kind of short and really late update...sorry it's been so long.
There was a cute Lashton thing I threw in there :) That was for my friend Abby because she is Lashton af :)
And to everyone who's suffered from insomnia, anxiety attacks, or both, I hope I didn't offend you in any way by writing about it. I've done research on it so I hope I'm not writing falsely...sorry if I am.
Song Recommendations:
1) Heroes by All Time Low
2) Little Toy Guns by Carrie Underwood
3) Disconnected by 5SOS (yes you have all probably heard it but I still recommend it because it is an amazing song)
Okay thanks again for over 700 reads, I think I said that last chapter but yeah. I love you all!!!!
~Anna <3
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Beside You~a.i.
ФанфикHe was there for one concert, she was there to take a few pictures. Neither of them expected it to go much further, but he continued it, and she didn't seem to mind.
