He Got Better, I Swear

"...They really like it when you..." I hear my boyfriend whisper to his younger brother. Ron's a rather tomato-like color, looking admittedly horrified by what his brother is explaining.

I ponder what topics could have turned Ron such a-- unappealing red color when I suddenly remember overhearing on accident (on purpose, let's be honest here to an extent) a conversation late last night between the two brothers.

Poor Ron was coming to George, of all people, for sex advice. Not to say that George wasn't a wonderful lover, attentive and sweet when needed, and rough and roguish when I craved... but really? George was not the one a younger brother should be going to for advice on sexual intimacy, especially upon entering a sexual relationship with their partner.

George relished in bragging about his-- our-- first time together. Stating that it had been one for the books.

Throughout our relationship, I had noticed that George and I seemed to remember things quite differently. Where he saw a perfect passion and sweet satisfaction, I saw loving him enough to lie to his face. Of course, the lies hadn't been malicious. I was quite certain that with time, we would be better, and I had been proven correct... but honestly? How could he see that fumbling mess as satisfactory when we had progressed so far?

Honestly, this man.

Deciding that it was far kinder to stop the inadequate advice before Ron actually subscribed to the foolishness, I walk behind the two boys, wrapping my arms around George's neck.

"Darling, are you giving Ron bad sex advice?"

He chuckles, "of course not... wait, how did you know?--" Ron looks even further mortified by my entry into the conversation.

"You are hardly a quiet conversationalist," I whisper the words into his ear, making a point-- I hope.

"I never claimed to be," he retorts, grinning in that mischievous way that made my legs weak.

Ignoring him, I turn towards Ron, who is watching our interactions with interest, "What did he lie to you about?"

"Lie? I would hardly say I've been lying--"

"Of course you have. Now tell me, Ronald, how has he described his made-up sex life?" George mutters something under his breath that I can't quite catch.

Ron opens and closes his mouth a few times before carefully retelling George's retelling of our first time.

I click my tongue, knowing this version well, "That's not how I remember it."

George pats my hand, "It was so passionate; I'm sure it's a blur in your memory."

I roll my eyes, smacking his shoulder lightly, "hardly. Do you want to hear the truth, Ron? It's nothing like the story this blockhead told you."

"It's exactly how I told you," George turns towards Ron, "I was the perfect lover from the get-go."

This time, I aim for the back of his head, "no, he was not." I give George a look that he knows all too well. His grin slowly fades. "The first time George and I engaged in such activities, he could not for the life of him find the right hole. I had to direct him like a blind man."

George gasps, "The woman lies!"

"And I faked my orgasm. It was not good. Didn't last all that long either." I put the final nail in his coffin.

George's ears turn a delicious red as he stammers out a denial, "you didn't tell me that! Don't believe her; she's just trying to make me look bad."

"Let me finish," I laugh at the accidental pun. George frowns. "Even though the first time was-- well disastrous, he's gotten better."

"Okay, no need to--" George tries to cover my mouth with his hand.

"Quit it; you started this!" I laugh as he pulls me into his lap, "It just takes practice--" I fight against George's attempts to silence me, "And there are no secrets. It's about intimacy and your partner."

George stands quickly, hauling me over his shoulder, "Merlin's beard, woman!"

"Do you understand?" I continue talking to Ron as George begins to walk us away.

Ron is still incredibly red, but he nods, a small smile on his face as he watches us disappear up the staircase.