Letters To And From

August Anth:

Dear Kade,

Oh thank god you are okay! Well okay enough to write. Look of course I am going to forgive you. I already forgive you. You really think I wouldn't?

I'm sorry I overwhelmed you, I guess I just got excited. And this would be so much easier if we weren't so far away from each other.. because I'd say next time just talk to me! Tell me what's going on. It breaks my heart to hear that it had to come to you freaking out and even worse than that.. hurting yourself. Kade why..
it makes me what to ask you a million more questions about what else is going on but I don't want to make things worse for you. The last thing I want is to pressure you. the only thing I want is for you to be okay.

Okay there is quite literally tear stains on this page now.. yes that's what they are Kade.
I say this not to make you feel bad because obviously you feel bad enough. I tell you this because that's just how much I care about you.

I don't know what else to say right now to be honest, Kade. because I don't want to make things worse or say something wrong. So I will update you on how grandpa's going. But I promise you, we're okay.

Grandpa is responding well to the medication they have him on. It's mostly helping with the physical side of things. Which is good. He says he feels less stressed because he doesn't have to order me around as much. Which actually got a wry laugh out of me.

Look screw this, I'm not going to beat around the bush Kade. Because I can't in good conscience ask you why you gave in to your demons when I gave in to mine too. When I got so scared that for all I know you could be dead.. on the same day that my grandpa has a serious fucking fall and they have to take him to hospital. So I'm in the house alone.. the alcohol is right there and I do something incredibly stupid that I'll regret the next morning.
I think between you being so far away and watching my grandpa basically die slowly in-front of me I'm being destroyed from the inside out.

So look this is what it comes to Kade, I'm going to come and get you from the train station and bring you here to live the rest of this out with me Or otherwise I'm going to have to start getting over you because I sure as hell can't do this any more. I can't sit here and read about your life like it's some novel that I can't save the characters from. Forget it I need you here. It's destroying us to be a part.

Love Always,
Anth xx