The Downfall of an Actress (Friendship Series #2)

Chapter 1

2014...

AFTER my Junior High School graduation... I didn't see Gem, again. At first, I told myself that I don't miss her but then I realize that I'm just fooling myself. Days have been passed but she still lingers on my mind. I keep asking questions in my head. Is she's okay? Is she's doing fine? Or is she fine... even without me? 

I hurt her. I really did. I thought hurting her would ease the pain and hatred within me, but it's not. Hurting her is just adding fuel to the fire. Hurting her... hurts me. 

I accepted the defeat, the battle with myself. I've been telling myself that it's not bad to hurt others for my sake, but hell! That was a bad move. Hurting her feels like adding too much alcohol to my open wound. It hurts.. so much.

My head hurts for thinking too much, the memories of her gripping her chest tightly like she's in pain hunts me every time. What happened to her? That question is always on my mind. But, no answer. Not until Sheena visited me and gave me a slap.

"Ella... she needs you. She wants to talk and see you" her voice, she's pleading.

"No" I tried so hard not to break down in front of her.

"She's sick, Ella. Talaga ba na hindi mo bababaan ang pride mo para sa kaibigan mo?" she sounds mad.

"She's not my friend!" sigaw ko rito.

And then she slapped me. Hard. 

Napahawak ako sa pisngi kong nasampal ni Sheena and I looked at her, shocked written in my face.

"How dare you" mahinang ani ko but her face remained emotionless.

"That slap I give is your wake-up call, baka kasing nanaginip ka pa rin at sa panaginip mo lahat ng taong nagbibigay ng halaga sa iyo ay kalaban mo. Tanga ka ba? She's not your friend? Talaga? Then why are you texting Traevin and asking him if Gem's alright? Kabobohan ba 'yon, Ella, o katangahan? O baka naman pareho?" her voice, her emotion, she's scary. I didn't expect that this girl in front of me, the girl who has the softest voice can talk harshly and throw me words like this. 

"Well, for you to know, she's not fine at all!" mapakla itong tumawa bago nagsalita muli, "you know what, she even beg to me. At alam mo ba kung ano ang sabi niya? She asked me to talk to you, to convince you to talk to her. But guess what? You just told me that she's not your friend. How cruel you are, Ella? She treats you like a sister and you treat her like no one? Bullshit, Ella! You don't deserve someone like Gem because she's a gem, and you're just an ordinary stone trying to be like her" diretsahang sabi nito at naglakad papalayo sa akin.

Her words. It hurts.

Nag-uunahang magbagsakan ang mga luha ko galing sa aking pisngi. Masakit ang sampal na ibinigay niya pero mas masakit ang mga salitang binitawan niya. Napabuntong-hininga ako bago hinabol si Sheena. Hinawakan ko ito sa pulsohan saka iniharap.

"Fine... I'll talk to her" mahinang sabi ko at nakayuko.

Hindi ko kayang salubungin ang mga titig niya. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin ang mga salita na galing sa kaniya. Pero alam ko... lahat iyon totoo.

I don't deserve someone like Gem, she's precious just like her name. And me? Just an ordinary stone trying to be like her. Gem had it all. 

"Fix yourself, pupunta tayo ng Hospital" sabi nito at tinalikuran agad ako.

Hospital? Bakit? Malala ba ang kalagayan nito? 

Hinabol ko ito at nang magpantay kami ay nagtanong ako, "Bakit siya naroon? Is she ill? That bad?" I innocently asks her and she just look at me, dumbfounded.

"What? I want to know!" 

"Ah talaga? Sabi mo lang kanina... she's not my friend" sabi nito at ginaya pa ang boses ko at umarteng nagagalit.

"So tell me... what happened to her?"

"She's sick. She's diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy. She wants to talk to you, she wants to settle things, and she told me she wants to talk to you because..." she paused for a moment and I noticed that her voice broke "she wants to see you if ever something will happen to her, she wants you both to be okay" patuloy nito at nauna ng naglakad papalayo sa akin. 

And I was just there, standing, dumfounded. My heart's beating so fast, like horses racing and eager to win. She's ill. Fuck.

Nagmamadali akong sumunod kay Sheena, at hanggang sa byahe papuntang hospital ay pareho kaming tahimik, walang gustong magsalita. At nang makarating kami kung saan nag i-stay si Gem ay pareho pa rin kaming walang imik. Pagbukas ng elevator ay sakto naman ang pagdating ni Traevin.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Visiting?" 

"Aba malay ko! Hindi ko nga alam kung anong ginagawa mo rito tapos tatanungin mo ako kung may bibisitahin ka. Gago ka ba?" inis na sabi ko sa kaniya.

"Bakit ka galit? Wala naman-"

"Tangina kayong dalawa manahimik kayo! Ang ingay-ingay!" inis na sabi ni Sheena sa amin ni Traevin.

Tumingin ako kay Traevin at inirapan ito at tumawa lang ang mokong. Akala mo naman talaga ang pogi pag tumawa, hmp! 

Nagmamadali akong lumabas ng elevator nang bumukas ito, nauna akong maglakad pero napatigil ako nang sumigaw si Sheena.

"Hoy! Saan ang punta mo?" takang tanong nito sa akin.

"Gem?" patanong kong sagot.

Napa face-palm ito saka matalim na tumingin sa akin, "At sinong nagsabi na diyan ang kwarto niya? Desisyon ka ba sa buhay? Wala diyan ang kwarto niya, nandun oh!" sabi nito sabay turo sa kaliwang pasilyo.

"Ito naman galit agad, meron ka ba ngayon?" natatawang tanong ko sa kaniya bago ito inakbayan.

"Wala! Pero 'yong pasensya ko sa iyo umabot na hanggang impyerno!" inis na sabi nito at inalis ang kamay kong naka akbay sa kaniya at naunang naglakad papunta sa isang kwarto. 

Akmang bubuksan niya ito ng pinigilan ko, "Wait... kinakabahan ako" tapat kong sabi sa kaniya.

Nagbuntong-hininga muna ito bago ako hinawakan sa balikat, "Relax, she's not gonna hate you" mahinahon nitong sabi sa akin.

"Bipolar ka ata, Sheens" natatawang sabi ni Traevin pero natahimik ito ng binigyan siya ni Sheena ng matalim na titig.

"Ikaw nga pinagsabay ang dalawang kaibigan ko, pinakealaman ba kita?" her face became emotionless as she speak, "at saka, huwag mo akong tawaging Sheens" sabi nito at biglang binuksan ang pintuan ng kwarto ni Gem. 

Hindi ito gumalaw nang mabuksan niya ang pintuan kaya mahina akong itinulak ni Traevin papasok ng kwarto. Inis akong tumingin dito pero ngumiti lang ito, "Go" mahinang bulong nito.

I sighed before I went inside. Slowly, I saw my best friend lying in her bed, there were apparatus attached to her body, pale, and sick.

Her smile fades as she saw me. She's not expecting me to visit her so soon.

My face remain cold, trying to be cold before words came out.

"You want to talk to me?" 

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