Bloody July. (A Hetalia fanfiction)

Dear Diary,

Today was America's birthday, the fourth of July.

Simply exciting. 

I'm Britain, and this is a diary I decided to use to record my actions.

I have begun feeling a certain... I don't know what to call this emotion. I get this dark feeling in my stomach and I just want to... cut somebody up, Is the cleanest I could possibly put it. 

How odd I have been feeling. I get this feeling each fourth of July, my beloved little "Brother's" birthday. I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be calling him my brother, though. I don't want to like him, and I'm starting to feel this horrid, burning emotion in my core, and I don't quite know what to call it. 

Anyway, I have tried to find a way to end this.

I began cutting myself not long ago. Russia showed me this special way to do it-He said it had helped him when he was going into depression. It didn't help much, and I am beginning to think these emotions are directed at somebody. France? I don't even know... It's so... Confusing. I wish it would just go away.

Maybe after the party... Who knows?

I must depart and help with some final arrangements before the gathering. 

~Arthur.