(The action of the play occurs amongst several different locations in and around the property of a large southern baptist church.
In dark lighting, Elise Fudge approaches her husband Pastor Michael Fudge.)
ELISE: All I'm gettin' at is I'm worried Michael. I do not understand why you take it so lightly that I am concerned about one of your flock.
FUDGE: I heard you now.
ELISE: This congregation can be so cruel and vicious you know that.
FUDGE: I reckon I do.
(In the dark, the sound of a congregation can be heard singing the hymn, "Nothing But the Blood of Jesus" until...)
SHARON: We're in a pretty small town.
VIRGINIA: Big enough to live in.
MARK: Population nine thousand and who gives a shit.
SHARON: Mark, watch your damn mouth, this here's a church play.
MARK: You're right, Honey, I'm sorry. Population nine thousand...
SHARON: Aw hell, Mark, if you don't know the population just don't say anything.
ELISE: All I am asking you to do is look out for and protect them. Especially the young ones. Your head has gotten so big I think you've forgotten the church has the whole rest of its body.
FUDGE: Don't get smart, Elise. Let's keep this small for today. Of all days, Honey. This is your day to shine.
ELISE: Why are you ever the only one who is allowed to be smart Michael?
FUDGE: Please, Woman.
BRUCE: A large brick and mortar Southern Baptist church represents the largest and most important landmark in this here small town.
MARK: Population five hundred and ninety nine.
SHARON: So that one you know.
MARK: The head deacon is supposed to know things of that nature I reckon.
SHARON: Good Lord Almighty you were the head deacon.
MARK: Right.
ELISE: My name is Elise or it is Dr. Fudge but never has it been Woman and never will it be Woman.
FUDGE: You are absolutely right, Elise that was uncalled for. Please—
VIRGINIA: On a small hill just north of the church sits the home where Pastor Fudge and his family live.
ISAAC: Some say if you live too close to the church you never get away from it.
AILEEN: Who says that?
ISAAC: I read that somewhere.
JON: He didn't.
ELISE: You're going to lose this congregation if you don't look out for them. Somebody is going to get seriously lost—I can already see it.
FUDGE: I am very busy.
BRUCE: Not a whole lot to look at in this town really—Nothin' to keep folks real busy anyway. There's just the essentials.
ISAAC: Skate park, supermarket, Subway, two coffee shops— which is two too many for not nearly enough coffee drinkers...
JON: Adult film store, used book shop, senior center...
AILEEN: One shopping mall...the city officially calls it a shopping mall, but it's more like a strip mall with a lot of over-confidence and too much unbridled team spirit.
JANNA: It's not really a mall. Not like we had up where I'm from, anyway...
AILEEN: Preppy Northern Bitch...
ELISE: Do you hear a word I say anymore?
FUDGE: Of course I do Honey I just don't have to listen to all of them.
ELISE: There you go again just having to be the smartest one.
STEVE: ...Although they did just put in that Subway, so at least we can say our town is finally in this century.
ISAAC: We are really proud of that Subway.
AILEEN: There's that bowling alley that looks like it's still in the seventies.
BRUCE: Tractor Supply.
VIRGINIA: Minnie's Arts and Craft Supply.
BRUCE: That shop is the next town over.
VIRGINIA: But thank the Lord Almighty for the good work that Sister Minnie is doing down there at the art and craft supply, Bruce.
BRUCE: Yeah, why don't you make me a scrapbook about it. (Beat.) As for what could have started all this mess? Well that's hard to say.
MARK: Most of us have our opinions.
VIRGINIA: Some of us say less than we want to.
SHARON: And almost all of us say more than we should.
VIRGINIA: Are you looking at me?
SHARON: Does the shoe fit?
VIRGINIA: Well bless my—I reckon I—Lord Almighty, allow not my temper to be hasty nor my spirit to exalt folly.
BRUCE: Now look dagum it, you got her on Proverbs. I reckon she's mighty pissed.
