bandaid.

01

chapter 01

about 10,000 women are murdered a year and about 55% of those women were murdered by an intimate partner, and i fear im going to become a statistic.

i sit on the couch, on the left side, intaking all of his anger and frustration. his salvia splatters on my cheek with each word he speaks. none of it is even registering in my brain from the overwhelming horror that im experiencing in my body. my hearts racing, my hands are shaking, my feet wanting to tap but me forcing them to not move a muscle, the thoughts in my head flooding with questions and worries.

"does he hate me? does he mean it? what did i do? did he tell me what i did? am i paying attention? i should be paying attention. what can i do to calm him down? will he ever be calm? is he going to grab his gun?" i resist the urge to put my sleeve in my mouth as i do to withhold crying. if i cried i dont know how hed react.

"am i crazy?! im fucking crazy?! thats why you do this to me?!" his violent sounding words leaving his strained throat eventually reach my brain to properly register.

"no, baby, i love you. im sorry please you know youre not crazy. its j-" i begin to say, which was a bad idea. i put my hand on his chest as a sign of reassurance that his words were false just for him to push my wrist away.

"no," he interrupts, quieter this time, "no i am fucking crazy. in fact, im so fucking crazy-," he gets up and leaves the living room were in, without finishing his sentence. hes no longer towering over me. hes walking into his room.

where is his gun.
where is his gun.
thats all i needed to think before i booked it out of the apartment. i did not even bother to shut the door behind me.

i sprinted and opted for the stairs rather than the elevator. i could run fast. faster than him. ive ran from him before i know im faster. yet i guess no matter how fast ill ever get, i couldnt get rid of him. or could i? i could certainly try.

this wasnt even the first time hes been like this. this wasnt the first time hes threatened me with a gun. not the first time. but i remember the first time.

a year and a half before...
a notification popped on my phone, a dm request from some random person. i never check those so i dont even bother. suddenly he grabs my phone from my hands once he heard a notification.

"who the fuck is gabriel." he said.

i giggled.

"i dunno babe its probably a porn bot trying to dm me or something," i said about to grab my phone from his hands. but he doesnt budge, he stares at me instead. staring at me like i was a horrible monster. an angry, fearful look in his eyes caught me by surprise. i went back to my position that wasnt me over him trying to grab my posession back.

he didnt say anything, he opened the app. it was a message from my algebra classmate gabriel.

"hey! sorry if this is weird i just wanted to know if you had the answers to 17-24? im like really lost rn haha"

he stood up, with my phone.

"babe? what?" i asked confused.

"i dont fucking want to look at you. fucking leave." he said standing above me.

i laughed a confused laugh. which is what sent him over the edge. he grabbed me by my arm to stand up and held my face in his hands as he threw me against the counter which eventually bruised my tailbone.

he said nothing. he starred at me and walked into his room. i stood in the spot he pushed me into for about 20 seconds until a gun was pressing against my throat.

"you think you can do shit without me noticing?" he said. his stare held directly into my eyes. the eyes he told me he loved so much. the eyes that began our relationship because of the compliment that was given to me, from him. now mine cause him anger, frustration, rage.

his screaming and calling me a whore because someone i knew was asking me for homework answers just absolutely crushed me. i dont know why i let him. i dont know why i convnince myself its my
fault. what part of this is my fault?

this time will be different.
i guess,
this time Will be different.

i was in the loby of the apartment complex and ran on the sidewalk, still absolutely booking it.

then i heard the opening of the lobby doors and jumped behind a car parked on the street with loud and hot footsteps following behind me. no screaming this time?

"margooo," i heard. the menacing tone in his voice was prevalent and my breathing hitched then stopped.

i heard the footsteps getting closer so i his under the car instead. my hand accidentally slipped into a puddle of some thick substance and my brain immediately wanted me to rip my skin off. but i had no time to react or process, i had to stay here.

the steps got closer and closer and then farther away then his steps came to a final stop. i stayed under the car.

i heard sniffling as his feet walked next to the car that i was using as shelter. his feet werent running anymore.

i didnt care that he was crying. in fact i dont care about him. like i said. Done.

i waited until i heard the lobby door close and i waited an extra minute or two just to be safe. i was in the shitty parts of Woodbury and obviously had no other choice but to walk home.

i lived just in Sixfend. about 2 hours from here. fuck.

i had my phone on me.

"hello?" maya answered.

"Maya oh my god thank fuck, are you busy?" i said happily into the phone.

"i mean... not really? why?"

"im in woodbury and-"

"why were you at his place, Margo. Seriously?"

"im sorryyyy, were done though. like for real this time."

"you said that last time"

"i know i know. just. do u think you could pick me up? its like two hours from my house and like ur only an hour away and like-"

"why cant lover boy take you home?"

"like i said, donzo."

"okay, where are u this second?"

"uh," i ran to the other side of the street to see where i was. "jacob street?"

"fuck. okay. i cant pick you up but ill send an uber. stay on the phone with me."

"dude youre a fucking life saver i literally love you,"

"yeah yeah."

"do you knowwwww do you knowwww
how much i love youuuu," i sang happily into the phone. she giggled a bit.

"theres one thats about three minutes away."

"love you mayaaaa," i continued singing.

"love you too idiot."

hi! im C this is my first draft of my first novel!!! its based loosely of my experience with abuse and torment from relationships. nowhere as severe as margos however this is a story.

all feedback is encouraged! thank u!
-C