I Am Sorry (Ghost Eyes)

Do it

  I breath heavily as I rush down the hall trying to get away from all those people I hate the most. All the people who hurt me, those people who act as if they are better than others, and the jerks who act cold towards me just because I'm trying.. I can't take this anymore. I don't understand. I try so hard so than why does this happen to me? I'm so done with this, with living like this. I can't do it anymore. Today's the day. I can feel it. "Just do it, Rudy. But should I do it here? No I should wait until I go home. But I have so many hours left of this hell. And maybe I shouldn't do it at home. What if mom finds me? Maybe I should-"

  Suddenly I had bumped into someone without paying attention. Damn it, I was to lost in thought. I looked up and saw..Emilio Murkmere. No. His presence always reminds me of a knife. Like he could cut me just by looking at me. He tucked his black hair behind his ear and looked down at me with a smirk on his face. A smirk indicating that he was planning something that I didn't know of. I need to leave. I must leave now. I quickly pushed him aside, rushing past him.

     "Pay no attention to him, Rudy"

"Rudolph?" He had said to me making me stop abruptly. He had that disgusting voice that made it obvious he was a freak. I mean I guess I don't have much room to comment on that do I?

    "..What?.." I said in a cold manner not really  giving a flying fuck about what he wants.

  "What happened? You seem...outta breath. Did something happen with Tobias?" He asks in his husky voice.

   "That's NONE of your business. Now leave me alone." I say starting to walk off again than I suddenly hear faint laughter.

    "Hehe..I knew it wouldn't last long.." Emilio had said humorously. I suddenly feel tears build up to my eyes and feel anger over take me. "God, just shut the hell up! " I wanted to scream but couldn't.

I just kept speed walking until I make it to the bathroom. I get in the last stall, taking my blade out of my pocket. I pull my sleeve up ready to make slashes to my wrists. I put the blade to my skin drawing a line onto my flesh. I watched as blood came out. I was about to add another one but suddenly jump when I hear my name getting called.

"Rudolph! UH I mean Rudy! Are you in here?"
Tobias? Why did he come here? Did he follow me after..?
"How did you know I was in here?" I ask in a monotone voice.
"Well I had seen Emilio in the hall so I asked him where you might be. He said you came here." He said getting closer to the stall I was in. Wait Emilio told him? Why would he do that?
I stay silent. Not knowing what to say.
"Rudolph, I am ..sorry. I wasn't aware that you felt uncomfortable with me telling others about your harm problem. I just thought..that if I told Carmelo he'd stop bullying you. But I know it wasn't my place to speak about it to others. So I apologize" He said. I still don't know what to say. I mean what do I do? What do I say?

"I..it's fine. I was being dramatic anyways. Plus I know you don't know any better so it's fine I-"
"No."
Tobias interrupts me.
"I should uh learn, I suppose. You should be angry at me. Not yourself. So I shouldn't have yelled at you when you got mad at me. Obviously it was all my fault"

...
"I was just trying to help! Why are you so mad I mean I didn't even ask you to befriend me and now your mad at me for helping?!"
...

I shake my head trying hard to forget what he said to me.

"No..you don't have to be friends with me I mean you said it yourself. You didn't ask for a friend and I'm probably annoying for you anyways. So please, just ..leave" I say tears falling from my eyes.

"What? No, Rudolph. I need you. I'm not sure why I said that but I.." He says in a shaky voice. Is he..crying?

"I need you, Rudolph. I need you so please don't leave me. I'm sorry, I do need you. I don't know why I said that but I don't mean it please I.." He says in fear. I look at the bathroom door a bit in shock. The only time I've heard him act this way is when he was crying on my bed. I look back down at my bloody arm and grab some toilet paper to stop it from bleeding.

"I need you too, Tobi..I feel so..alone I just... I need someone. Someone please help me.." I say mumbling that last part to myself. "Help me.. Help me... Help me.." I say, shaking.

"..Rudolph?" Tobias says.

"Are you..alright? Rudy?"

.....
"What's up, Rudolph? Are you alright? Why are you crying?" He says coming towards me sitting next to me on his bed. I look the other way not wanting to face him. But he takes my face, moving it to look at me, and wiping my tears off with his thumb. "What's going on?" He continues trying to give me a reassuring smile.
"Nothing..it's dumb." I say. He gives me an odd look.
"NOTHING you say is dumb. It's fine to cry about whatever, Rudy. And it's fine to vent to me." He says. But I stay silent. "Fine you don't have to tell me..but do you want a hug?" He says. I look up at him nodding. He than gives me a warm hug, it's so nice. Feeling loved like this. He feels like hugging a teddy bear. "Hey, do you wanna do something you wanna try? Wanna try on some of those dresses you got or wanna watch a movie or something?" He asks.
"Well, what do you wanna do?" I ask, wiping the tears from my face.
"No, I want you to pick. You chose, Rudy. What do YOU want to do?"
....

"Rudolph!?" I hear making me jump. "Rudy? Are you ok? God, please respond." Tobi says. I was crying. Crying a lot.
I drop my blade, and roll my sleeve up. It's like everything was in slow motion as I quickly stand up than unlock the stall door and rush out, hugging onto Tobi without even thinking.
He jumps back in shock as I hug him tight, tears rushing out of my eyes.
It's been awhile since I thought about..him.
"Im sorry, Tobi." I cay out. "I just really need a hug right now and I-"
"No it's fine.." Tobi interrupts slowly hugging back. "I..I'm fine with this. I like this.."
He says. I smile as we stay like this for awhile.
"Please, don't leave me, Rudy." He says.
"I ...I won't." I say almost in hesitation. Why am I hesitating? Maybe it's because I know deep down that this won't last? No I can't think about that but it's hard not to. Tobias just has some problems and I want to help him with them. But will my help matter. What if I'm not good enough? What if all of this doesn't matter? Well whatever happens, I hope to at least help a little.