Donna's Park

The blood splattered across the wind screen. She had hit someone. Someone powerful. He did not want revenge on her. He was happy.

CIRCUS

He was gone. He was really gone. I can't believe it. I hadn't talked to him since 2003 but I still wiped a salty tear of my cheek when I spoke.
Ashton was gone.
People from his distant family muttered their disapproval of him
"alcoholic"
"Absolute dumbass"
"I heard he went a bit loopy before he bit the dust."

I returned home, I got a random feeling I was not alone, I chose to ignore it, my dad used to always call me a wimp when I came up with bullsh!t like that. If I ever have kids, I'm gonna teach them the same.

Most of the people there disapproved of me too. Asher must have bitched about me. he always used to do that, back when we were 17. I had some random girlfriend I had picked up at the bar, and he would bloody tell them my greatest secrets.

His dark brown eyes, blending with his dark brown hair, always messy and he was always listening to music Welcome to the internet, by Bo Burnham.

I can't believe he liked it. The crappy piano playing, but the lyrics were pretty good. He would always walk into the bar at 3pm and be listening to that, with his sh!tty, second hand iPod on him.

My thoughts came back to the cold feeling. It was like frost bite, no, frost bite would get rid of the pain. I had pain from the cold.
I could tell where, or whether it was mental or physical. It was like I had been torn apart, and glued well, but haphazardly together again.

And then I saw it. Purple and orange, the colours clashed horridly together, but in a weird, distorted way, it begged for me. I was desperate for it. Longing for it. I needed more.

Donna's Circus: looking for employment.
I didn't tell you that I didn't have a job.
This could really help. I felt so depressed, my old man was always like this, always depressed and tired, I could always smell whiskey in his breath.
Come to think of it, I probably only went to a bar in the first place because it reminded me of him. It was the same with a cigar rete, it was my birthday once, and he skipped the end of singing me happy birthday to have a smoke. I don't blame the man.

The number on the poster was
01168713902
I took a picture, the colour was dark, and lonely, like a colourless painting. It was like my life. It was dark, and colourless.
Dead.
Like Ashton.
I used a telephone box to call, I inserted 20 pence, enough to get me 30 seconds.

"Hello this Donna's circus, if you are looking for a job, please press one"

I dialled one.
"heyy this i-is Donna's Circus. H-how m-m-may I help-p."
Said a raspy voice, stuttering.
"I see you."
Said Ashton's voice. It came out of nowhere. Suddenly. And those words, they will scar me for the rest of my life.
I heard a giant bang. The words were implanted in my head. Like an unpleasant image from when you were 10.
It wasn't any colour, it was, black, but black is a shade. It was like a smell. I could smell it, like an orange gone off. Dark and rank.

Like Ashton's voice then.

The line went dead.

I needed to get someone to talk too.
Phycologist? No.
I could try and get a new job?
No chance.

It sounds crazy, but could I geta job at Donna's Circus?
The voice from before scared me, but I was desperate for a job.
I missed him. I really did. The last thing he said to me was 'bye'.
How COULD he?
How DARE he.
I GET REVENGE.
I can't though.

You could though...

Why were these voices inside my head?
I snapped back to reality.
An old woman had been standing in front of me, begging me to move from the phone booth.

I left, it was now 9pm, it was 7 when I called.
Jesus Christ I'm going insane.
I saw a bunch of drunk people stumble out of the bar, most of them were rich business men.
They gave me a look of disgust and carried on walking.
I noticed the grass was daker than usual. The moss in between the worn, cobble steps turned a sickly shade of green. I stared at it.
I got de javu.
From what.
I blew my black hair out of my eyes...
I had blonde hair.
I stood still. Perplexed. I brought out my phone, the cold felling returned again.
I was NOT alone.
He was there.
Standing there. Asher.
I had black hair. His face was my face. His phone was my phone.
His thoughts were my thoughts.

Go to Donna's Circus, don't be shy. Go to Donna's Circus, don't be shy. Go to Donna's Circus, don't be shy. GO TO DONNA'S CIRCUS, DON'T BE SHY. GO TO DONNA'S CIRCUS, DON'T BE SHY.

His thoughts were mine; I was him. I AM him.
Nothing mattered anymore.
Just CIRCUS.
The dark trees. The rope swings. The rope.
The trapeze. The juggling.
The clown.
CIRCUS
The swamp, the dark, unloved swamp. It was a sickly dark green. Where the circus stood.

I was the circus.

I AM circus.

I stood there, at 9pm, on the London high street. Everything around me changed. I saw darkness. Pure darkness
I see u.

Will you join me?