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I cut through the alleyway, having no clear plan, not hurrying around to approach from the other side, just not wanting to lose him. It was nice to be able to breathe freely because I wasn't out in the open should he turn around. This part of town was well lit, with many shadows here and there to duck into.
And seriously, my heart was pounding loud in my ears. It was fifty-fifty whether it was from joy at being so close to my idol, or from fear I'd be discovered. Guaranteed, if I ever did get the chance to talk to him I'd stammer and blurt out something stupid, like, "I love your hair."
I broke into a trot at the point where the shortcut went between two buildings. It was really dark in here, and a thought flickered in my brain that I should maybe worry about my own safety. Nah, I had too much going on.
The track I was on reunited with a larger, somewhat well-lit alley on the far side before joining back up with the main street. He should be just about to pass by the end of the alley, and I could get back into position. You know, following close enough to see his every move and yet remain undetected.
It was a total shock then when instead of walking past the alley entrance he turned into it. Walking straight toward me. My breath froze in my lungs. He hadn't looked up, he was still staring down at the pavement. I scrambled back a few paces, just barely making it to the shadows before he strode past.
It was obvious he was a performer. He moved with confidence, with an aura surrounding him. Was being a fangirl turning my brain to mush? How could I want him to see me and notice me so badly and yet be so afraid to put myself forward?
Was I afraid of being like all the other thousands of fans he encountered? Absolutely. Idols must have a different definition of fans... given the circumstances. Fans were a huge group, so having a fandom, that was amazing and exciting. Having fans queue up and wait to get into shows or for autographs, that must be a huge ego boost. Crazy-ass fans crashing through security gates at the airport to tear at hair and clothing, all in the name of love and obsession... that was what I was determined to avoid.
So I pressed my back into the bricks of a building and held my breath, watching him with eyes that adored him, even as I told myself repeatedly to go home.
But, oh, the expression on his face. He was so close I could see him clearly. Mouth set firmly, eyes that held a glossy, far away look. He was usually like that, wearing an expression that made you wonder what he was thinking. Or if he was gazing out at the world like that on purpose, to make you wonder if he was a little bit lost and not paying attention, or if he really was focused but able to fool you.
"Let him go," I told myself. "Get in a cab and go home." I almost had myself convinced, when I heard some excited voices approaching. Girls, of course, gossiping and hurrying down the alleyway. I stepped out of the shadows to head them off. They weren't getting by me to catch up to my idol and clamor around him like noisy geese.
They drew up in surprise when they saw me. "Say," one of them bubbled, "Did you see a handsome guy walk down this way?" She hesitated and chewed on her bottom lip. "An idol, maybe?"
I looked back over my shoulder, relieved Sangwoo was no longer in sight. Then I nodded toward the narrow passageway between the buildings, the shortcut I had just stepped out of.
"I saw someone head down there..." I pointed for extra emphasis and stepped in that direction, as if I'd lead the charge. I was racking up bad karma everywhere I went tonight. I felt terrible lying to those schoolgirls and yet, I really didn't. They practically shoved me out of the way and took off following my wrong directions. Suddenly I didn't feel so bad.
I sprinted the other way, down the alley and around the corner, just barely catching sight of my idol as he made yet another right-hand turn. He glanced quickly back one last time before disappearing behind a hedge. Maybe he really was going to the playground, and just taking a convoluted route to get there.
I moved faster, trying to stay concealed in shadow, but I could tell my efforts were clumsy. I was panting and out of breath. My footsteps sounded loud in my ears, and the sidewalk was mostly well-lit and void of railings, parked cars, and even garbage.
Had we wandered so far that it wasn't even trash day tomorrow here?
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