SugarCOAT

1. Once in a Lifetime ⭐

I was 22 years old when I learned that I was suffering from depression. On top of that, I was battling anxiety. What's worse is that I didn't know I had it. I suffered in silence for years. I tried to busy myself with school activities; eventually, work. I thought maybe I just needed to challenge myself to overcome this. Then, I tried dieting, exercising, and eating healthy. I felt like I had to watch a motivational video each time I cheated with a soda or candy. My junior year, I was told I should try therapy; especially, since it was free for college students. I went to three sessions, and I quickly discovered that I don't like telling strangers my thoughts. It just adds to the paranoia. Like, how private is private between two strangers? 

Then, it all came crashing down. I couldn't take any of it, anymore. I dropped out of college and moved back home. I did not tell my parents that I was no longer a student. Instead, I told myself that this was my once in a lifetime opportunity to make my dream of becoming a singer a reality. It sounded great in my head. It looked good on paper, but all I did was write songs. Later that year, my parents caught on, and they were very disappointed in me. My mom tried her best to encourage me to go back to school, but I was not having it. My step-dad said he would pay for my last year. Fortunately, I'd been working at a music store, and I was able to save $2000 in a couple months. At the time, it was just enough for me get an apartment. Soon, I moved out of my parents' house with all my luggage.

That was seven years ago, and I'm still where I landed. Same job. Same apartment. Same dream. Yes, I still have anxiety, and I do get a little depressed at times. I'm the only one that I share these thoughts with, and it's been lonely. The only friends I had were my co-workers, but they never work at the music store for more than a year. I've been employed at Music Bravos for so long that I can pretty much do what I want, and the manager is okay with it. My role consists of training new employees, opening and/or closing the store, and I set my own schedule each week. I even make three dollars more than everyone else in my position. Wait. That's not important. Well, it is how I pay my rent. My apartment complex is like the most outdated property in the neighborhood. Since most of the residents have lived there since it opened in the 70s, the owners don't bother to modernize it. Just a new paint job here, carpet cleaning there, and free cable is what keeps the residents happy. I'm satisfied with not having bugs. Thanks to my neighbors Paulette and Joey. They have a better bug spray than Raid. I would love for that to be an excuse as to why my singing career hasn't taken off, but bug spray was designed to kill bugs not dreams. 

I remember when I told my cousin Monica about my dream. She suggested that I work at a club or a bar, because that's how singers get discovered. I think she watches way too many movies. She also seems to forget that I don't like crowds or the spotlight. Five years ago, she told me to start a YouTube channel. She ended up taking her own advice, and now she has half a million subscribers who are fascinated with her reactions to all sorts of videos. Just the other day, she told me to start a TikTok, because she reacts to TikTok compilation videos. For her to be family, she still doesn't know me.

"Ay, Jamie!"

I leaned against the counter next to the register. I turned around to see my co-worker, Larry running towards the counter from the break room. Larry was part-time, going on a full year in a few weeks. It would be a milestone if he stayed past a year, but I've been here too long to know that is not going to happen.

He put his phone on the counter in front of me. "Read that."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Look at it," he told me.

I sighed before looking at his phone. A red flyer with gold letters read: Reality TV Talent Competition. Auditions for singers, rappers, dancers, comedians, magicians, and more. 

In my opinion, it looked fake. "Where did you find that?" I asked him.

Larry's brows merged, "Where did I find it? This is not a lost dog poster. I got this off Facebook. It's legit."

Did he just say that? I sighed, "Larry, your break ends in five minutes."

"My break ended ten minutes ago. I was just cleaning up the break room."

Not true. Everyone took longer breaks than they were supposed to, and no one randomly cleans the break room after getting off their break.

"Jamie, what did I tell you after me and you talked about what we would rather be doing than working here? I told you that I would help you make it out of here before I ever left this job. This right here! This is it." He pointed at his phone. "I've never heard of something like this in our city. To be apart of something like this, we would have to go to New York, Hollywood; Atlanta. Never here in East Grove. Just look at the day of the audition. You don't have to work that day."

For this to be something he just found online, he was sure selling it to me. "Larry, I told you I don't like having all eyes on me."

Larry slapped his hands on the counter causing me to jump a little. "You telling me working here where customers stand in line, looking at you is somehow different? I've been here when the line is long, and you're the only one on the register. You don't look scared to me."

"What are you trying to get out of this?" I pointed at his phone.

Larry picked up his phone and read, "If your audition is filmed, you'll get paid. If you make it on the show, you'll get paid $800 per episode."

"Really?" That caught my attention.

"You win no matter what," Larry argued. "Granted, I've never heard you sing, but you look like you can hold a note. What singer do you sound like?" He asked me.

I thought before answering, "Well... there's two songs that I like to sing. Melanie Fiona's 'It Kills Me' and 'Love' by Keyshia Cole."

Larry exclaimed, "Who hurt you?"

"Not all Keyshia Cole songs are about heartbreak."

Larry shook his head. "Anyway. Do you need a ride there?" He asked me.

I stood up straight. "I didn't say I was going."

Before Larry could protest, a customer walked inside and asked, "Do y'all repair instruments?"

"Yes, we do," I replied.

"Good! I'll be right back."

Larry put his phone in his pocket. "Do you want to do this for the rest of your life? I think getting paid for something you actually like doing is better." He walked over to the music aisles and began to re-organize the shelves.

Seven years. I've been working here for seven years, and no one has ever done what Larry just did. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't expecting anyone to do the work for me. I've come across flyers and posts on social media seeking talent, too. It's just the cons outweighed the pros.

I smiled to myself. Funny how I already had the date and address memorized.