10 Ways to Pick Your Nose

Hello Dear Readers!

  It is I, Professor Nose Picker! You know, the Professor Nose Picker? It’s okay if you haven’t heard of me. I prefer I quiet life in my mansion made of different colored boogers. Anyway, paparazzi can be annoying. Not that I haven’t had any…

  *Sniff!* Anyway! Moving on! I am Professor Nose Picker! A great professor that knows his nose when it comes to picking noses. All my life I’ve been studying the world’s most ancient art… nose picking. An enjoyable time, I know, something that cannot be ignored.

  Now, *snuffle!* if you are somebody that is easily disturbed by boogers, or the entire thought of picking noses, then,
  1. What the heck were you thinking when you bought this book? Can’t you read the title?
  and 2. I suggest you put this book down straight away, lock it in a treasure chest, lock that in a great metal chest, lock that in a shipping container, fill it with concrete and dump it on the bottom of the sea, because this book isn’t and I mean ISN’T for you.

  I have gathered all my research papers, and studies and put it all in this book. The 5 Golden Ways to pick your nose at home, and the 5 Golden Ways of picking your nose at school.

  Your faithful friend in snot,

  Professor Nose Picker

DIFFERENT KIND OF BOOGERS

Slimzer
  This slimy, slippery guy lurks around your nose in the early morning, after you cry, and if you have a cold. The Slimzers like daylight, and sometimes have the habit of hanging out of your nose when you’re talking to someone important. They are also good when it comes to blowing bubbles with your boogers, and great if you want to fill an Olympic swimming pool with snot each time you sneeze.

  Picking: The best way to pick this guy is to get your finger and twirl it in a circular motion, covering your finger in its jelly goodness. It’s also great to get cleaned if there’s a dog nearby. Simply hold the dog’s muzzle to your nose and hopefully it will lick it out for you. It’s a great experience. Trust me.

Rockies

  Ah, the Rockies. These boogers are painful when you pick them out, and great to chew on. They are hard, and lurk just around your Nostrils, or sometimes at the far back. They aren’t very good at blowing bubbles or playing with, but they do make great snacks.
  Picking: Picking Rockies require a lot of careful patience. You can’t simply jerk these guys out because that can result in a nose bleed, and blood doesn’t taste as good as snot (yeah, you better trust me on that one too). The best way is to insert your fingernail under the edge of the Rockie on your nose wall, and then pry off gently. This can be painful, but once the Rockie comes off, you get this strange thrill of delight. Once done, chew and savour the taste. They’re great.

Average Annies
  Average Annies are the best sort of booger for creating sculptures, snowmans. They’re not entirely hard, but not entirely squishy, and once moulded into a shape, they stay like that. Average Annies are also good to eat, and though they aren’t as chewy as Rockies or sweet as Slimzers, they are great to eat and snack on at school.
  Picking: Average Annies are easy to pick. Just use your finger and twist it about in your nose. They should come off easy. They are also fun to pick out of you cover one nostril, and blow hard on the other nostril where the Annies is, because then they zoom out and can wack somebody in the face. Great for weapons of defense against girls and annoying sisters.