To avoid change, sometimes it feels as though we put on a mask. A charade, a character that keeps everyone happy, except the person playing the part. I find that people pretend to be okay with certain things so nothing changes. A fear of change or something different is something most people feel naturally. Trying not to lose someone you love or the life you have can make you feel as though if you were to be your true self and voice your actual thoughts and feelings, everything would just... fall apart, change. Anxiety and fear and force us to convince ourselves we are fine with things we aren't fine with. To avoid conflict or saying something you wish you hadn't. Some thoughts should be left unsaid and some should be said, but aren't and it's almost impossible to know which. Life and love can be so confusing. You can love someone so deeply that no matter what they do or who they become from when you first met them you just bear everything they do or say wrong. You tell yourself you shouldn't bring up something that bothers you because what difference would it make if it just leads to a fight or argument and no change or compromise? It feels easier to just ignore it or pretend it doesn't exist. Courage, I think, is something that is impossible to find. To be brave is to have courage and so you can not be afraid or be afraid and still have the courage and be brave enough to do it anyway. There are so many things anxiety and fear can stop you from doing and take from you. Even thinking about having anxiety gives me knots in my stomach. Fear of the unknown can give someone anxiety. Just like fear of the known can as well. It can also make you feel as though you have to pretend to be the old you to avoid the known and unknown consequences of change, of the person you have secretly become. My hope is one day we all can find and have something that is powerful enough to get rid of our fears and anxieties. Maybe that will be world peace or the cure of cancer or maybe the end of the world. Can't have problems if you are dead. Hopefully one day, our children will live in a future better than the one that was thrusted onto us that we never asked for and we do better for the ones who never asked to be here either. Our children deserve better than what we got forced to deal with. I hope a brighter future awaits us all. Maybe one where we can be ourselves all the time and never have to pretend again.
