Dance Through Trauma

August 19, 2021

After I woke up from my night-sleep, my mother's boyfriend yelled at me like ten minutes after as my day was just getting started. Why did it happen? Well, that's because he found one of his phones in the bathroom toilet, and immediately thought it was me without any evidence. He had given the phone to my sister Kathleen while he was in the kitchen with my mother making food. I was in the kitchen when they were there and walked back to my room to get my brother Ovi's diagnostic papers for level 3 autism and language disorder because I wanted to know where I could place them, so that the kids wouldn't get them and damage the papers. Then, after I talked to my mom about it in the kitchen, I went back to my room to hide the papers in a safe place. I really took the papers to the kitchen because I wanted to show her boyfriend the documents that had information about Ovi's difference out of kindness. I don't know why I even try to be kind to people even after all the hell they have caused to the ones I love. Anyways, after all of that, I went back to the kitchen to drink a soda and have a chat with my mother about who would take care of Ovi when he's much older and my mother can't take care of him anymore. My mother's boyfriend started to look for his phone around the house and asked me if I had seen me, to which I replied with "Yes, I saw it on the floor close to Kathleen." He then kept asking everyone else about the phone. I went to the living room to put on another movie on TV as my mother told me to put on another movie for the kids to watch, and that was when her boyfriend asked me that question about the phone. So, after I put on a movie, I went back to the kitchen, or well, dining room, which is right next to the kitchen. I talked to my mom about something that I completely forgot about now, and as we chatted, her boyfriend interrupted us and immediately accused me of throwing his phone into the toilet water with an angry face. I was standing in front of him as I felt anxiety run through my body. I thought that he was going to hurt me, possibly even take away my life. I thought that moment was going to become my last ever moment in life because of that man's nature. I told him that it was not me at all, and my mother defended me by telling her boyfriend that I didn't even do it. Then, he started to tear up and said that his phone had screenshots to use against the people that want to do him wrong. Why does he always mention that people want to ruin his life when the only person doing that is himself? Damian was in the kitchen, and I'm not sure if he was there before my mother's boyfriend came in or if he went to the kitchen because he heard the yell. I talked to my mothers boyfriend about iPhones being waterproof, but he said that his phone got wet and burned as it felt hot. Kathleen was definitely the one who threw the phone in the toilet because she had it to begin with. So, after my mom's boyfriend talked with us, he left the house and closed the door hard, indicating that he was very angry. Then, he left to go to see if someone could repair his iPhone. I was so nervous after everything that had happened, and I told my mom about it. My heart was racing, and I thought that I was going to leave this world today because I had never seen such anger from a human being ever. How can that man live by himself knowing the crimes and wrongdoings that he has done? So, after an hour, he came back and informed my mother that no one could help him because the phone had zero chance of working again. He told my mother that he thought that it was me because the other day that I babysat my siblings in the morning for an hour because he wanted to sleep, my babysitter Jesiah had her clothes all off, which happened after he got out of the bathroom. I was in the living room, and then went to my room as soon as he got out of the bathroom coincidentally, which I wish I shouldn't have done because I did see Jesiah with no clothes on when I got up from the couch (I went to sleep as soon as I heard my mom's boyfriend awake), but I said nothing about it because I was really sleepy at the time, and did not care about it. It's not my responsibility to put clothes on her anyway or to inform my mom's boyfriend about it because he was going to see it. Now he thinks that I took off Jesiah's clothes when she in fact takes off her clothes many times, especially her diaper. Jesiah has a habit of removing her diaper, and takes off her clothes at times. In fact, when I heard my mom's boyfriend wake up, Jesiah went to his room and took off her diaper, and I know that because I heard the man say "Why did you take off your diaper!" So, it's for sure that she took off her clothes or maybe Kathleen did it as she was bothering her a lot at the time. Anyways, I was very scared of that man because he has so much physical violence in his nature, but he did nothing to me. I just hope he realizes all the accusations he has put on me. Not only that, but I also hope that he realizes all of his mistakes. He needs to also seek professional help because he is seriously in huge need of some. All of this made me sure that I will definitely never show any act of kindness to him nor will I ever speak to him ever again about anything unless it is an emergency. I learned how to cope with this situation (like Selena Quintanillia's amazing music), used positive affirmations, and worked out my anxiety in my notes. I spoke to myself with my physical voice as it somehow made me feel better. I'm still somewhat nervous, but it'll pass by. It's a good thing that I can remain positive after unpleasant experiences.

- August 19, 2021