BUCKYNAT: WILDEST DREAMS

Chapter V: Promise

I stay in his room for a long time. We don't speak much. When we do, it's short, almost poetic questions, with honest answers. After three hours I feel like I know everything about him. 

He feels guilty that he can't remember his life before Hydra. He feels like he did something wrong. He's scared, too. Scared that they'll wipe his brain again. Sometimes when I ask him something, he turns away decisively to wipe away a tear. We both do, to be honest. Honest conversations are not easy, but with him, at least they're possible. 

Every now and again I find myself thinking something that I shouldn't be. Something that, according to the red room, we're not allowed to think. But I look at his eyes and I forget about rules and I forget about how insane my imagination is. I don't care. I'm dead anyway. 

"Natalia..." He says. He hasn't used my name before. It gives me slight chills. 

"Yes?"

"You'll remember me, right?" He asks. I look at him curiously. 

"Yes..." I answer, still not sure where he's going. 

"You'll remember me. Even when you're having the worst of days, you'll remember me. And you'll talk to me. Every day, will you?" He asks. Feeling brave, I grab both of his hands in mine. I look him in the face. 

"Yes, James. I'll remember you. Every day." I say

"Do you promise? Every day, you'll be there. No matter what's going on?" He asks. I nod. 

"Cross my heart." I say. 

"Good." He says, and then pauses, "Because I really like talking to you." He admits and then laughs softly. I've not heard him laugh before, but I like it. 

"I really like talking to you as well." I say awkwardly. He grins. I smile back. 

"You should probably get some sleep." He says. I nod and then get up. I walk over to the door, just before opening it, I turn back. 

"Goodnight, James." I say. 

"Goodnight, Natalia." He replies. I open the door. 

Once I'm back in my room, I sit down on my bed and stare at the roof. I can't think of anything right now except for bits and pieces of my and James's conversation. And for now, that's enough. I drift off into a nightmare free sleep very soon. 

The next morning I wake up very late. I panic. It's already eight-thirty. I'm supposed to be up at six. This is bad. This is very bad. I quickly get changed and hurry downstairs. I have three assassination scheduled for today. They're all prisoners already, but I just need to finish them off. The first one is at nine. 

For the first time in my life, I missed. I missed the shot. It was easy, he was tied to a chair, ten or so meters away, and I missed. I wasn't focused. He had a bag over his head so that I couldn't see him. I got thinking about how I didn't even know who I was killing. I rarely do know, in circumstances like these, but it was only a problem this time. I began thinking about how his hands were tied and how, since I couldn't see them, the left one could be metal. It could be him. I could kill him. Of course, it was crazy thinking, there was no way that I could be killing James. He's too treasured by Hydra. Still, the thought distracted me, and in the moment, I missed. However, I quickly shot again, hitting him right in the heart. As soon as the gun went off, I felt a pang in my chest. Pain. I don't usually get emotional while working, like I said before, that's the job of a nightmare. But this time it was different. This time it was bad. This time it was unlike any other pain I've felt before. And that was because it was real. It was done in real life. 

The worst part is: I have to kill two more people today.