I'm Sorry Mum

I've Been Hiding For So Long

I grab the scissors I'm about to do it but I hesitate, not because I'm scared I mean I don't really care about anything anymore but I'm not gonna make myself look like an idiot. But I'm definitely doing it there's no fucking way I'm keeping it like this I can't stand it anymore, I've made up my mind I'm just doing it I'm not thinking about it I'm just gonna do it. And well its done I look down and chunks of my black hair laying on the bathroom floor. Shit. Fuck fuck fuck. Okay it's fine it's not so bad I just need to trim the ends
I trim the ends and sweep the hair from the floor.

I look at myself in the mirror well it's better than what I had before. Anything is better than that. I'm just glad its gone finally.

It's currently 6:57 and I need to be at school by 7:15 so I have about 15 minutes to get dressed.

I rush out of the bathroom and basically slide through the passage into my 'new room'. Fuck I hate it so much I don't want to be in my old house tho I don't really know what I want anymore.

I pull out an old streched black Rolling stones t shirt with a long sleeve black t shirt under, black skinny jeans and my black doc martens. Black is everything and well currently everything is black.

By the time I got dressed it was 7:08
I walked into the kitchen and my cousin was sitting there with some faded red shirt. I'll be honest it looked like shit yet he can pull it off. "Morning mavy" he greeted
"Mhm" was all I could manage to let out. I know my mind seems active and alive but physically I can't put much effort Into anything anymore.

"Good morning Mavis" my grandmother said as she put a plate of pancakes with one bowl of cream and another with berries, my grandmother's food is honestly the best but I'm really not in the mood to eat well actually I haven't been since last week. "I'm late for school I don't have time to eat" and I left.

I walked to school it's already 7:15 and I'm not at school yet. I rushed to class and came in at 7:30. I walked in english class, 15 minutes late. Miss. Jamie didn't bitch about me being late like she would before I think we all know why tho...

I found a seat in the left corner at the back of the class. I could feel everyone's stares on me as I walked through the class. I don't care what they think but I mean fuck couldn't they just conveniently ignore my existence like how they used to before. To be honest I don't know if everyone looks so shocked because of what happened last week, the fact that I cut my hair lower than my shoulders, my sudden change in clothing style or me, Mavis brown being 15 minutes late. Well I don't know what they'd expect me to do after what happened.

The stares followed me the whole day and the attention is really starting to piss me off. I really don't want to go 'home' now after school. I don't where the hell else I can go its not like I even have friends. "what the fuck" comes out of my mouth when I feel a hot liquid splash on my t shirt. I look up and see a girl. She has deep black eyes, straight brunette shoulder length hair that's in half a ponytail hairstyles. She has glasses too. And well she also just spilled coffee all over my t shirt. "I'm so sorry honestly I have tissues in my bag I'm so sorry"
She looks completely innocent and so pure but I mean SHE SPILLED COFFEE ON MY FAVORITE T SHIRT.
"yeah whatever"
"It's okay" I murmured. "I'm really so sorry I wasn't looking what can I do to apologize to you?"
"nothing I don't want anything its okay you can go"
She looked down I could see she felt bad
"whats your name?" she asked
"Mavis brown, why?"
"I'll make it up to you I promise I'm just in a bit of a hurry right now but I will make it up to you, I'll see you then Mavis." she replied
And with that she walked away
I just stared at her walk off completely fascinated by her reaction to me being me, mabe she didn't realize who I was either way I probably won't see her again.

I decided to go behind the school no particular reason I just wanted to be alone I guess. I plugged my earphones in and sat on the grass back against the fence and closed my eyes and just thought. I kind of lost track of time by the time I checked my phone again it was already 5. I decided I should probably walk home before it got dark. So I picked up my bag but kept my earphones in and walked out of the school in the longest route to 'my house'

By the time I get to the house it's already 5:30
I walk in and see my cousin looking beyond frantic.
"where have you been!! You came out of school 3 and a half hours ago
What were you doing and why didn't you call me or message" he said well technically yelled in one breath
"can you relax you not my father you not in charge of me and you don't need to know what I do" and with that said I walk upstairs into 'my room' close the door and lock it.
Why can't everyone just not notice me right now I wouldn't really mind being invisible.

2AM

"I hate you how could you do this to me after all I've done for you I've always loved you and you just betrayed me like this and don't consider you anything to me anymore"

*me sobbing*
"I'm sorry, I can't control it I know its wrong how do I fix this"

"you can fix this by not relating yourself to me I don't want you to talk to me again"

"I'm sorry m-"

"Ding ding ding ding ding"

And well that's when I wake up from the nightmare I've been having for the last week. And well it sucks its like my mind punishing me for not telling her...

Well anyways it's 6.00 and I have school again. I want to dissappear.
But I managw to get out of bed, shower and dress. I don't really feel like eating again luckily it's 6.30 which is quite early so no one is up yet to force me to eat. I know that I've been acting like a bitch lately but it's only because of the attention it's frustrating me.

I walk out to the porch with the keys to open the front gate when I remember I forgot to put my maths book in my bag so I rush inside to get it. I look literally everywhere and then remember I had a breakdown while doing homework last night and threw it in the on my bed and it probably fell through the side. Ughhhhh
Now I have to move the whole fucking bed.

After I resentfully move my bed and get my book I head back out
I turn to the table inside to reach for the keys

Ooooooohhooooooo hooooo hoo

"AaAhHhhhHh"

After my inconsistent scream I remember the strange doorbell we have

I quickly grab the keys to go check who's there and I it certainly wasn't who I expected