The rooftop

     As I'm driving back home with my parents, I can't stop thinking about the fact that I don't have any actual friends. Don't get me wrong, I have people that I hang out with but do I consider them my friends? Hard no. There's Mary who would choose her boyfriend over me at the blink of an eye. There is Mackenzie who is so full of herself that can't even see when she's wrong. And when you tell her that she is, she just starts having her attitude that I really can't deal with anymore so I just keep my mouth shut and let her be. Is it healthy? No. Do I care? Also no. There is Sabrina who I don't know if she's friends with me because she's into me and waits for the day that I tell her that I'm into her too, or she really just is my friend. Honestly I'm not going to ask so I guess we'll never know. And then there's Drew who I also don't know if he's into me and waits for something to happen. He is a good guy and for a long period of time I tried to look at him as something more but I simply can't. Eventhough he has everything I could ever ask for, I just can't see him as something else.
     So do I have friends? Nope. Do I mind it? Nope. I love my company. I love reading, I love listening to my music, I love being alone. Does that make me wierd? Posibbly, but I don't mind it. I've had so many friendships. All of them ended bad so I'm not really expecting anything from people anymore. For a long time I thaught I was the problem. The reality is that I just found the shittiest people to be friends with.
     My phone vibrates on my lap. It's Mary. She's asking me if I want to go to this party on friday. Uh, I hate parties. Loud people, drunk people, high people. I hat ethem. They think that is fun but I know they are all escaping from something. They're just not ready to face it so they party hard in order to forget.
     Eventhough I don't want to go, I type "Yes", because my parents keep buging me about not going out enough so here I am accepting to go to a party with a bunch of assholes. Yay me. I don't even know what I'm going to wear. I don't have party clothes. I don't go to them so I don't need them.

     Friday comes sooner then I'd like it too. Now I'm standing in the mirror putting mascara on so that I look a little bit better. I hate puting make up on. It's like you're hiding from something and I have nothing to hide. But I like to use mascara. I'm dressed in a pair of blue jeans, a white calvin klein T-shirt and some white airforces. Basic. I know. But I don't like to stand out so I dress casual almost every time.
     When I get to the house Mary is already there. Of course she is. It's her boyfriends house. Ronaldo. He's been my classmate from the first grade and damn I couldn't get rid of him even in highschool. He thinks he's so intresting by acting like he doesn't care, but deep down I know he does. We were best friends and I know everything gets to him. But I let him be because I stoped caring a long time ago. Now I'm just numb and after everything that I've been through it's nicer this way.
     Mary comes to hug me and she already smells like vodka and cigaretts. Great. It's going to be a long night. " Im so glad you came", she says. I'm not I think but I don't say it out loud. "Yeah, me too". We go in the house and I say hi to some people. God I hate them. They think they're so cool. They're actually just a bunch of idiots. I'm taking a Redbull and sit on the couch. As I take the first sip I can feel the bubbles and the sweet taste in my mouth. Damn if I don't love it. You can say I'm a bit obsessed with it but I'm not. Yeah, I drink it often but I can live without it.
     Mary comes to me with two shots. "Take a shot with me", she sys cheerfully. "No thanks, I'm goos with my Redbull", I answer and take another sip. "Gosh, you're such a moodkiller". "Maybe", I say and then I get up cuz I can't be down here anymore. "Where are you going?", she asks. "To the bathroom", I lie and leave.
     I find a room that is emty and I go in. There's a rooftop right outside the window and I get out on it. The sky is clear and the stars shone bright. God, I love the sky. It's so beautiful, quiet, magical. I could watch the stars for hours and feel like the time stops. I like being in my head. Alone, with my thoughts. At first it was hard because I used to only think about negative things. But now I can escape in it. Think about life, absorbing everything that is happening beside me. It's a chilly night because it's almost september. I love it that way. Not too hot but equally not to cold. Just perfect.

"So, are you just going to ignore me?"

"Dude, what the fuck? What is your problem?",
I'm screaming at this very handsome man because he almsot gave me a heart attack.

"I've literally staying here for five minutes"
     I hadn't noticed. I was in my head. I shut the world out when I do that. It's like a superpower and I love it.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff"

"I could tell", he says and damn if he isn't beautiful. "Why are you out here? Shouldn't you be inside partying like crazy?", he asks.

"Not really. These parties aren't really my thing", I answer. Sometimes I like to party but I wanna rembember the stuff not get drunk and be sick. Oh and being so drunk that I don't remember a God damn thing.

"Mine either", he replies. He smiles at me and Lord, he has dimples. I should get up and walk away but my feet can't seem to be able to move. I'm totally fucked.