Crash

Chapter 1

What scared me the most was loosing him for good. And that's exactly what happened. I had lost him. For good.

The cold brisk air outside left a white frost on our apartment window. It was winter here in New York City. 5 months without him.

I'm laying on my bed starring at the ceiling stained with writings of sharpie marker. I look down at his journal then back up at the ceiling. The one word written in bold letters haunted me.

Us.

A tear escapes my swollen red eyes. I'm not sad that he is gone now, I'm sad thinking back at all of the great times we had. I look back at the ceiling and see a date under the word.

6/17/14

It was the first day we met

"Did you get the pill?" My best friend, Kendall yelled at me as I walked down our apartment steps to meet her at her car.

The city air was humid and dirty. The many faces sped by in a hurry to go somewhere that probably wasn't that important. It was 10:30 pm; still early according to clubbing time.

"Yup." I held the tiny white drug between my fingers. "I still don't get the point of this."

Kendall rolled her eyes in disappointment. She is the extreme party girl. She is out practically every night and brings home a new guy at least once a week. I guess it's her long straight brown hair and hazel eyes that light up in the club lights that lure all of the guys.

Me on the other hand is the opposite, I have wavy blonde hair and blue green eyes. I don't get many guys because I'm more of a relationship girl not just a hit and run.

"I told you, Ara, in order to get into the club you bring a prescription pill." She explained to me.

"But-"

"No buts. You take a random pill out of the bucket and have the trip of your life." She said with enthusiasm. When it comes to Kendall getting high, she is all in for it.

I agreed to be less of a party pooper than I usually am. It's just that I would rather be home studying for a major test I have in Psychology than being at some club being pushed around by sweaty strangers.

The car ride over was loud. Kendall had the music blasting and was singing obnoxiously. It didn't bother me, though.

Throughout the whole ride I had a roller coaster feeling in the pit of my stomach. That feeling when your midway down a super steep drop on a roller coaster and your not sure when you will be at the bottom. That feeling only came to me when something really impacting was going to happen. And that feeling was right.

Some indie band was playing as we walked in admiring all of the different faces. There were so many hippies and rebels and grunges and goths and then there was me. I didn't fit in at all. There wasn't a "I'd rather be at home right now" group.

I absorbed the scene and attempted to have fun. After a while of acting like I liked it, I actually started to. I danced around with Kendall until she went and danced with some random guy with dreds. Then I talked to some guys of my own. I even swallowed a pill I took out of the bucket.

After a long night, still being somewhat high we drove home with 2 guys. Not the smartest thing to do, but now looking back at it, it was the best decision ever.

I didn't observe the two guys too much, I was too busy starring at the stars in the sky chasing after us with the moon as we drove.

Once we got home, Kendall went into her room with the guy with dreds and left me with the other guy. I did know him at all. I had absolutely no experience with one night stands and I assumed that's what this guy was here for.

"Maybe we should go up to my room." I giggled awkwardly as I sipped on red wine. We were standing in the kitchen using the open refrigerator as light.

"Is that what you want?" The guy asked. That was the first I heard him speak. His voice was deep and emotionless, almost monotone.

"I-I don't know." I said embarrassed.

"We can go. But I know you don't want to fuck. I'm just waiting for Johnny." He was so blunt about everything. It was like he didn't have a filter.

We awkwardly walked up to my room, not knowing what to expect. We sat down on my bed next to each other and heard banging against the wall next to us; then occasional moans. We both looked at each other and just laughed.

We made small talk and got to know each other. Not exactly what I was expecting out of him... Even though we were still a little faded from the pills, I think we really connected in some way. We danced to the music in our colorful minds. Even though it was silent everything seemed so loud being with him.