my secret idol | jeon jungkook

locker room

"... Here I am, trying to hold on to a life where I'm trying to build my life from scratch again. Is this the 3rd time for now? "
she thought while she was getting ready for her Language class, she, again, changed her all environment because she feels like this is not it in life, the feeling that she carries around her in her chest is unbearable and that emptiness feels so heavy ironically, so that was the time that she should've to force herself to change it because otherwise, she couldn't even deal with herself in this life, she would go so down deep in her dark mindset and in the end, she would end everything... However, this was not what she wanted for her end, she wanted to feel real feelings, real moments and she did not want to live with a fake mask in this world, that's why that change was a must. She told herself that, this must be it, I cannot deal with one more time whole life-changing situation.

So, those thoughts lead her to move to South Korea this time, the perfect place to start something new because literally, every single thing is different and new there to her. Whenever she lived in a different country, that was her 4th now, she always gave her best to learn the language first and work at the same time, after that life was building itself socially also. Of course, you need to put your hobbies and interests out to find the people that you can spend quality time with but sometimes all you need is someone to drink something with. So, she did not put so much pressure on that topic. However, the feelings that she had sometimes about that real feelings and connection, etc, were making everything harder for her because the times that she could just enjoy an easy evening with friends in a bar was becoming to feel so meaningless and she couldn't deal with it.
-
It was a normal day for her, she woke up and got ready to catch her subway to go the course and afterwards she would go for her 4 hours of teaching class and she would be done for today, that's why she wanted to eat out and grab a drink afterwards.
The Hangul was really fun to learn for her and the grammar was basically had almost the same rules in her native language and always found the language learning process exciting, I mean it is not a surprise because, since University, she was giving English classes to everyone so she knew that that was what she wanted to do as her profession.

- Miss Hope, can I go home earlier if I finish my assignment earlier than others? asked one of the students, of course, that was Mi-hi, she is one of the fastest the learn, so clever and let's say the sassiest one. Every week, she tried to go home earlier even though she knew she is not allowed to leave the school before the time comes, that's why Marw always brought extra material for her, way beyond their level in English. Marw liked her so much and Mi-hi liked her back too.

After the class, she said goodbye to everyone in the classroom one by one and took her bags and head to the Pub that she kept seeing whenever she walked in the city. Strangely, whenever she took a walk, she was ending up in front of that Pub and that was the sign for her to go there. The pub was not even pretty, it was not a popular location at all, it was old and there was nothing special about it. The name was; LOCKER ROOM. She knew there was nothing special about this place, especially it was not fitting in Seoul at all because it was looking like a lame, typical European Pub. Anyway, she went there.

- Hello, may I have a beer please, thank you so much.
She was still practicing her Korean and it was getting so stressful for her to remember the rules to talk with a stranger sometimes. However, since the bartender didn't give her a weird look, she thought she said it correctly. She took her beer and struggled to carry all the bags and she has with her because she had to have her laptop, notebooks, and materials for her teaching class too then, she realized that she can still work with her laptop a bit and could be done with grading some exam papers but she thought, don't be a weirdo now, enjoy your drink and look around you. Not so many people are sitting here but still, observe them and try to create scenarios in your mind.
HA! She saw a couple;
- Ahhh, let's see. So, she looks like she was expecting more on this date according to her outfit because she looks so cute for a lame pub, maybe she thought the guy would take her to a cute restaurant? I don't know, she still looks like she is having fun. The guy is happy to have his beer in front of him I guess, awwwwww he just fixed her hair, okay okay, I'm sure this is their first date because she is too shy with that gesture now. Ah, that's cute. Ah, I'm curious how they met now, maybe on the internet-
and suddenly her thought got interrupted and she realized that tall guy next to her and he was holding her notebook that she was using for her Korean classes. She couldn't see his face so clear because he had a huge hat, she got up suddenly and made a small bow and said aahh thank you, thank you to him and took her notebook but as always, when she got nervous, she could never shut her mouth and she always mixed the languages that she speaks, she kept going like;

- Oh my god, thank you so much, thank you, I did not realize that I dropped my notebook, ooh I'm so happy someone found it and gave it back to me. I keep everything in that notebook since the first day I moved and I would be so sad if that would be lost-
she kept talking and the guy was looking so lost in her mixed languages and he was just standing and looking at her. Then she realized how weird she was acting and suddenly she stopped.

- Oh.. I'm sorry, I talked so much, sorry. Let me say thank you with a drink, that notebook means so much. Please, if that's okay, have a seat or at least let me buy you a beer or anything and you can enjoy it alone too.
He looked around him, it was like he was not sure if he should sit or not or if someone was watching him the whole time. He did not say a word all this time and she felt like she is just a dumb person in his eyes now.
After some hesitation, he decided to sit but he was still looking so nervous. She moved her bags away and got up, okay what would you wanna drink? she asked.
- A beer would be nice, he said not so loud. She went to the bar and grabbed it and turn back to him.
- Okay, here is your beer and mine too, sorry I was too distracted to create stories with other people in the pub when you come here, ah, I have to mention, my Korean is really so bad but I am learning, is it fine if I speak English a bit also?
He looked at her and he nodded and said;
- My English is not so good but I'm good at the daily talk, we can figure it out.
- Good, perfect! Don't worry, I can help, I teach English here. She smiled nervously, maybe she sounded like an arrogant person now, Ahem, I'm Marw by the way, what is your name?
- Jungkook, he drank from his beer.
- Oh, how do you spell it? J- O-N-K-O-K?
Jungkook put a little smile on his face and looked at his beer and said;
- Can I have your notebook, I can show you.
She looked for her notebook again that he brought her back and passed it to him and realized that he has tattoos on his hand, he wrote his name both in Latin Characters and Hangul.
- Ohhhhhh. Beautiful, what does this mean on your hand?
- Ah, this? You don't know it? he was talking in such a small way that she could barely hear him and he had such a small mouth also while talking, he was pouting like a kid most of the time. 
She shook her head as she said no to him.
- Then, we can talk about it later, let's drink your thank you beer.
- Good idea! it was easy for her to be distracted easily while talking with a stranger because when you don't know someone, you don't pay so much attention to what's going on in the conversation and beer was also supporting that too. She would be stubborn and ask about it more normally but not tonight.
They drank and chat together for that evening, she realized that he was often turning his back to look at one table where two men were sitting together and not having any alcoholic beverages. After a while, she realized that it might be late already, she checked her phone to look at how late it was. It was almost midnight and she realized that she should leave soon because the next day she should also attend her language class.
- Do you need to go home?
- Yeah, it would be better if I leave soon because I should wake up early tomorrow also.
- Where do you live? Maybe it's better if you take a taxi at that time.
- Ah it's alright. I will take the Subway. I don't live so far away.
He looked behind him to check on something again and he got up and said;
- Give me a minute, I'll be back.
He got up and went to the other table where two other men were sitting, talked with them for a couple of minutes, and turned back.
- If you want, we can drive you home, he said.
However, she heard the danger of being a foreigner in this country and she said;
- Oh, no need to, thank you. And thanks a lot for giving my Notebook back also, it was a nice evening.
- Sure, okay.
He looked like he didn't know what to say so she continued,
- If you need English classes, you can call me. I will give you a discount.
He made a really cute gesture with his nose as he scrunched it while he is smiling and said;
- Okay, thank you. For that, you should give your contact information to me. I guess.
- Oh, sure you are right. Mmm, let me check.
She looked into her bag forever to look for a card to give but couldn't find anything.
- Ah this- she giggled, it is so embarrassing but I don't have my cards with me. Can you take a note on your phone?
He took his phone out and she wrote her name, surname, mail, and phone number.
They said goodbye and he took his distance to not hug her, he just gave a little bow. She knew that that is totally okay here in Korea, she just imitated him and bowed back at him. 

While she was walking home, she felt like none of this happened. It was a weird evening in a good way with a stranger. She put on her earphones and started to walk and she got a text which said;
- I'm Jungkook, be careful on your way.
The alcohol in her system made her smile stupidly and she wrote back;
- None of the wolves can eat me up on my way home.
He did not write anything back.
She went home, took a quick shower, and went to bed directly.
She woke up and she realized that she saw him in his dream and she realized she didn't even see him without the hat that he was wearing at the pub.
Such a strange guy she thought.