My mother laughed at something my dad said as we drove back home from from my mother's best friends baby shower.
We stopped at a stop light and my dad leaned over, giving Mom a kiss. The light turned green, so my dad pressed the gas pedal. Almost immediately this huge pick-up truck came barreling down the road, smashing into us.
We rolled. Glass shattering, scratching my face up, bagging my head against the car.
Finally, the car stopped rolling. I groaned, looking at my parents. They were still as statues. I started panicking. I took my seat belt off and climbed into the front of the car. I went to my mom first. I tried shaking her and yelling at her, but she just wouldn't wake up. Her head was lying on the dashboard, blood streaming down it. I gently placed my hands on her shoulders and pushed her up against the seat. I took one look at her and had to fight the bile from the back of my throat, before I cried out.
There was glass sticking in different places on her head and a bigger one in her chest. I laid my head on her shoulder and sobbed. After a few minutes of that, I raised my head and wiped my tears away. I looked over at my dad, fear setting in. I crawled in his lap and saw that he was breathing though just barely.
"I love you, Daddy. Please don't go too. I need you," I whispered, crying softly. I looked up. "Please don't take Daddy like you took Mommy. I need him. Please, Lord. Please make him better, keep him alive."
After that I stayed quiet. I started feeling my eyes getting droopy. I tried keeping them open, but after awhile, I finally gave up and let the darkness consume me.
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When I woke up, I wasn't in the car anymore. I was in a bed, in a white room, with IV's sticking in my hand. My first thought was hospital.
I began panicking again. I yelled and cried for someone to come. Two nurses came running in, trying to calm me.
"Where's my dad?" I screamed at them. "I need my dad! Where's my dad?!"
One of the nurses sighed and placed her hand on my arm, but didn't say anything. I looked at the other nurse.
"Please just tell me where my dad is" I said quietly.
She hesitated, but said, "He's in a better place now."
My heart dropped and I start shaking my head. "No," I whispered, tears forming in the back of my eyes. "No, no, no, no, NO! He can't be gone! I need him!" I looked up and yelled angrily, "Where were you?! You were supposed to save him! What did I ever do to you?!"
I sobbed right then and there. The nurse who told me about my dad, climbed into my bed and held me while I sobbed into her shoulder.
That day made me stop believing.
Stop believing in Jesus.
Because there is no Jesus.
If there was, my dad would still be here with me, where he belongs.
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