Letters To And From

Reunited: Anth:

I sit at the train station waiting for Kade. It's nice to be somewhere apart from the house or the shops up the road.. even if this is only the train station.
My mind has been going through all of Granpa's last moments on repeat. Most of it is painful and as I tie my now shoulder length curls back into a bun I also try to shake them away.
I replace them with some words that have stuck with me since he passed. What he said about Kade.
"I know you haven't liked to hear it lately but I'm basically on my death bed.. so you are hearing this okay. Kade is your soulmate and if you don't hold on to them.. if you make the same mistake I did. I will seriously haunt you!" And then he had weakly laughed. And it still rings in my ears right now. I laugh and then cry. Yep no shame.. but also this train station is a freaking ghost town. And then I see them.

I don't miss a beat. I run! I almost bowl them over in the process. I lift them off the ground and they wrap their legs around my waist.
"Kade!!" I manage to cry out before they kiss me. Lips are the softest part of the body. Especially theirs. They are like what I imagine clouds to feel like.

When we break the kiss I just stand there holding them. They look at me through wet eyelashes.
"Hi." Kade basically squeaks.
"Hey." And I just want to stand like this forever. Because right now there's no pain. There's just Kade and I don't want anything else in the world. For a minute they just stare at me with their huge green eyes.

"Don't you ever feel like you have to fix yourself for me, ever again. I know I can't fix things for you or be this elixir for instant happiness but Anth, that doesn't mean I won't be there. That doesn't mean I won't be a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. if you take it out on me I'll forgive you but please don't shut me out."

Those beautiful green eyes well up with tears and i pull them into my chest.

"My sweet Kade." I start as I stroke the back of their head. "If I could, I'd promise I would never try to push you away again. But I won't because I know people don't change over night. I will promise you this though." I pause and they look up at me with sort of an unreadable expression.

"I will never stop working at that and I will never stop trusting you with my life."
Kade smiles at me.

"Are you going to put me down or are we just attached like this forever now? Coz I would not complain." They let out their little Kade giggle and I laugh as put them down.

They immediately lace their fingers through mine as we take the walk back to the house.

...

When we get back to the house. It's somber and the grief sets in.
"I need to get out of here. But I have no where else to go." I say. Kade squeezes my hand.
"Grandpa also said he was leaving me the house. But I'm not sure I want it." Guilty pangs hit away at my chest as my legs give way. Kade stops me from falling and guides me to the couch.

"So you sell it and move into an area that you want to be in." They say calmly. Drawing circles on the back of my hand. "Aristotle would have wanted you to be happy."

Some tears escape my eyes and I want to say.
As long as I have got you I'll be happy.
But the words don't come. So I just smile at them.

"One of the last things I remember him saying to me was. That I better look after you when he's gone. And that's what I'll do." Kade says and I fall back into them so my head is on their chest.

"He wanted you to have the letters from Harry. Said he couldn't think of anyone better to take care of them." I say as they lightly untie my bun and massage my head. I feel a few tears drop onto my head.
"Sorry." Kade sniffs as they wipe them off my forehead.
I let out a little laugh and say it's okay.

"Do you need help with boxing stuff up and funeral arrangements?" They ask me. Still massaging my head. I could fall asleep right here.

"All taken care of." I say. "I spent his last days boxing up his stuff and listening to him talk through what he wanted his funeral to be. So all I have to do is make some calls to the community house."

"I can do that." They say.
"Oh no Kade that's okay." I respond.
"No, Anth. I want to." And I know there's not arguing with them so I just nod.
I realise the tears are never far away as I say.
"I'm sorry I robbed you of a goodbye."
They start crying as well.
"It's okay Anth, as I said we all mess up and I was lucky enough to be a part of his world even if it was for a short time."

I figure in that moment that I should come clean about Fin's letter.
"While we are talking about messing up. Fin wrote to me." I pause and I feel them freeze up. So I sit up to look at them to show them I'm not mad.
"Oh.." Kade says.

"I'm not mad. He explained everything to me. How you were vulnerable, and he just wanted to make you feel better. How much he loves and cares about you but never wanted to get in the way of us."
Kade hasn't really stopped crying but I can see the guilt in their eyes.
"I'm not mad," i repeat. Titling their chin up so they have to look at me.

"How are you not mad? Fin wasn't mad either when I chose you. And Drew wasn't even mad about me using her brother." They seem at loss to understand all the understanding.

"Because you never meant to hurt any of us." I say.
"But I did." They argue.
"We all knew your intentions from the start Kade. It prepared all of us." I say.

"It still doesn't make sense but I'm so relieved you don't hate me." They say. Green eyes relaxing and meeting mine.

"I could never hate you." I say.
They smile at me.

"I love you so much Anth, I always will." They say wiping at tears from both of our faces.

"Ditto Babe, forever and always."