mo$t wanted | kokonoi × reader

Chapter Four

"You've lost weight," that was the first thing that my dad had told me the day of my visit at the Institution - to celebrate his birthday, when I saw how concern crossed his eyes I immediately lowered my gaze.

"That's given, I'm in college now," Shrugging, I reasoned out, my hands worked on preparing the food and cake, that I had ordered in an expensive shop.

I had learned to value every single cent in a hard way, and for some reason I now preferred choosing those with much cheaper price, but I really did work my ass so hard the past few months just so I could treat my dad with something delicious for today.

I was planning to cook and bake but school works and my work itself were getting on my way, I actually just finished my classes and dashed my way here right after.

"And what's being in college has to do with your weight?" Dad challenged, holding his chopsticks, I rolled my eyes at him, "School stuffs, you know," Placing some pasta on his plate, I affirmed and I catched how he shook his head at my lies.

"Bonten haven't back yet." It was supposed to be a question, but it sounded more of a statement, my hand stopped in serving some pasta on my plate.

Shaking my head as a response, I reached for the cake, showing disinterest at the subject that my father just started. "Kokonoi called me today," Dad chuckled, obviously glad about it, while my hand froze and could barely get the cake from its packaging.

"That man never change at all," His voice was cheerful and proud, I almost wanted to gag at his adoration for the man. "I wonder if he got someone in his life now." I raised my eyes at my Dad, he was in wonderment, and I fell into silence.

I was only allowed to stay there for one and half hour, and I used every seconds with my Dad, we ate as we talked about school and how I was working as a freelance model, he wasn't exactly glad about the idea of me working in such industry. But I had convinced him that I wanted this, not a total lie tho.

He believed me right away, he knew that growing up I got this big obssession with fashion, but never I had any plans of involving myself in the world of runaway. But I already came to the point where I needed to.

And throughout our conversation I was avoiding every subject that related to Kokonoi and the rest of Bonten.

It was almost two years since they left for a long business trip, I never asked any of them the whereabouts of it, I could not careless about anything after the day of my eighteenth birthday.

All I could remember was the endless self-isolation that I did until the day they took their leave. I had avoided Kokonoi after that night in my hotel room, that may seemed childish for anyone but I did not care.

Seeing him was enough to make everything inside me shattered into pieces including my inner peace, the stares that he would throw at me from time to time that I ran into him. In the hallways of the mansion, in the kitchen and every time he picked me up at school.

I was drawning with agony and discomfort, and it was dragging me down that I would cry myself under the sheets, there was the feeling of humiliation and the self-pity did not miss staying with me that time.

Of course, I knew that it was entirely my fault, I brought it upon myself, my expectations that Kokonoi would feel the same for me plunged me into despair.

But, I was young and naive back then and when I finally accepted that it was not just a mere hopes for him to see me as a woman, after the almost never-ending of denials, I had completely lost it, I was in love with him and he had rejected me in the most nicest way, probably, and it had me hurting.