As Cold As Ice // Charlie Gillespie

Chapter 48

"Are you sure about this?" Charlie looks at me, worry in his eyes. This morning I would have given him a very clear and certain yes as an answer but now I'm suddenly not so sure anymore. Today is my last day in Canada and if I don't do this now I fear that I never will. These two weeks with Charlie have changed my life completely, once again. When I came here I had no idea who I was anymore. I'd lost the most important thing in my life - skating. I never thought I'd set a foot on the ice again. I had completely given up on myself.

After (more or less) building a snowman, Charlie and I eventually went inside, both completely freezing. Charlie made us hot chocolate and together we snuggled up on the couch, a huge blanket wrapped around us. It wasn't long until Charlie's mother and siblings came home. I was about to jump up but Charlie kept me close and after a few moments a calming feeling came over me. The fact that he so naturally showed his affection for me in front of his family made my heart warm. I wasn't surprised that his mother and siblings are just as lovely as him. From the first moment I felt welcome.

The next day we all went to a hockey game and Charlie told me about how he used to go to countless game when he was younger, how his love for hockey came about. I couldn't help but wonder about his love for music though. That night, once we were in Charlie's room, I asked him to sing for me again. This time I didn't fall asleep. I was captured by his talent. I wish he'd realise how incredibly talented he is. I get that he's worried what people might think when he tells them that he's into music but I'm sure there would hardly be anyone being negative about it.

The next days went by so quickly. Obviously, we had to go to school which was such a fun experience! Going to a school where no one knows you, no one has any expectations, no one looks at you waiting to either snap or get back to who you were - I didn't know how much I needed that until I had it. Sometimes, I snuck out of a class to watch skating practices. There are time slots during classes for solo sessions because sometimes one of the skaters has a free period. The longer I watched the more I missed being that girl. I missed feeling free and weightless. Charlie did his best to take me on the ice as often as he could but it was hard to find slots where no one was on the ice. We tried sharing but I couldn't bring myself to take a single step if someone apart from Charlie was around.

A few days ago one of my lessons got cancelled so naturally I went down to the rink. It was empty so I sat down right next to the ice. I don't know for how long I sat there but eventually I took a deep breath and stepped onto it. I didn't have my skates, it was just my boots but instead of fearful I felt calm for the first time since my accident. Yes, I felt better and better with Charlie but this was the first time I felt that way on my own. I didn't do anything that day. I just stood at the barrier, my eyes closed. The next day I snuck out of a lesson again. I had checked the rinks schedule beforehand and I knew no one was going to be there. This time I took my skates with me.

It took me a long time to take the final step onto the ice but when I did? I felt the familiar feeling of energy and freedom rush through me. For the first time since my accident I felt home. I started skating and, even though my heart skipped at beat at first, I didn't panic. I kept skating and skating, round after round, and I couldn't have felt better. When I sat back down on the bench offside my cheeks where wet from tears of joy. I thought I had lost the ability to skate but in the end I was only holding myself back. Ever since I was little I had learned to not let fear hold me back but this time it had won. Without Charlie the fear would have stopped me from ever doing the one thing I love most again.

"Never been more sure," I finally say. Nodding, Charlie presses play and I push myself off the barrier as the first chords of Fight Song sound through the speakers.

"That... you..." Charlie looks at me, his eyes ripped wide open. I step off the ice so that now there are only a few inches between us. "I did it," I whisper, a smile building on my lips. "You did it," Charlie says, visibly speechless. "Mia, you did it!" Suddenly, Charlie wraps his arms around me and swirls me around. When he places me back down on the ground his smile is a bright as mine. "How?" - "I might have snuck down here the past days...?" - "You did what?" Charlie's voice sounds both amused and surprised. "Thank you." Now he seems confused. "For what?" - "For helping me get back to who I am. Thank you for not giving up on me." Even though I had, I mentally add. "I love you, Mia Carter." - "I love you, Charlie."