I dont think theres anything
that could stop this feeling of disgust.
Every moment I close my eyes
I can feel your grimy hands trapping mine
in a prison of unbearable heat.
My mind is burning with ways to run away,
But so many thoughts get jumbled and
fall apart before I know what's real
and what I'm capable of doing.
You and your deceitful eyes that tell stories
of your past and feelings of love.
Did you know then that you were
hurting me in the same way you
had been hurt before?
I doubt you thought much of anything
at that time, trauma tends to pluck
any coherent thoughts away from young minds.
Said trauma is now threaded through my veins,
Perfected by you, a simple seamster.
I am not created by you but you have
managed to mold me into something less
than I originally was supposed to be.
Anything I once was went down the drain
the second I saw you.
With the trauma now embedded in my soul
I tried to run, but you followed in pursuit.
A moment away and the silence ensued,
I came to realize that despite the hurt
I missed you.
Opened arms and welcoming smiles,
I let myself think you'd change.
You didn't, and I'm hurt again.
Intoxication with no retribution you
smite me with harsh words and accusations.
But of course, I'm the real villain here.
It's my fault you have to treat me this way.
If only I had just been better,
then I wouldn't have to get hurt here.
We go around the circle a few more times,
I run and you follow until I let you back.
Silence ensues once more and finally
I start to heal.
You're back again with an apology and
I can't breathe.
I thought I had finally escaped but
really I just can't get away, not from you.
I refuse to believe it, I tell you I don't accept.
But anything I do or say,
I always end up back in your traps.
Games of cat and mouse are a constant
with you, and I always seem to lose.
I try again, but every second is a reminder
That I'm not supposed to be here
With you.
Sometimes I think I truly do deserve this hurt,
What kind of idiot am I
to allow you back again and again.
No more. I'm done with you.
I miss you
