Was I That Gullible

Hindsight Is 20-20

As I stare out of the penthouse office window overlooking the city of Seattle, seeing everything and nothing at the same time, due to being lost in my own thoughts. I asked myself once again "Was I That Gullible, back then?", The answer, unfortunately, was yes, yes I was!

I was then but not any longer, not now. Here I was back in Seattle, back in the same office, after five years of being away. But I couldn't help but remember all that happened back then, if only it had been just a case of me disappearing, that would have been easy. But my luck was never that good and changes had started within me, unknown to any, or so I thought.

Memory

Turning from staring out at the Seattle skyline blindly, I was so annoyed with myself, letting one use and coerce me, the other manipulate, oh and as it turned out, dazzle me! Why? Because at the time I thought I loved one, even though I felt him to be better than me, the other I thought was a friend, my best friend! Me the stupid lowly human, I gave them far too much rope and they tried to hang me with it.

I had given them both my love in different ways and they used it against me, how could they? How could there be two bad seeds in an area as small as Forks, Washington? One bare-faced liar and master manipulator and One sick twisted son of a bitch! I had nearly lost everything including my life and for what?

So they could go on playing supernatural war games and taking potshots at each other. I was just the poor sap who got in their way. The cracks had started to show in Edwards and my relationship, especially when he wouldn't let me turn after James bit me. I was starting to see the light then and suddenly he was more attentive, more possessive and overbearing.

That was when I started to lose some self-will, but his dazzling only worked when we were together, it didn't take long to work that out. So I spent more time with Charlie, which meant more time with the Quileute tribe on the reservation, thus way more time with Jacob. This I had thought was good because Edward could not get to me here without breaking the treaty, but I had unwittingly given Jacob free access to me and he used it well.

It was around that time I started receiving texts from a then-unknown vampire. His first directive was to tell Edward and Jacob nothing, but Charlie everything. Jacob being included in this was a shock at the time, why not him? I started to pay more attention when I visited and also tried to spend time with his other friends, not always being alone with him.

Jacob was always very vitriolic in his hatred of the Cullens, but he had started to use my relationship with them against me. Belittling me at every turn and condemning my choices. Trying to control me more than even Edward. Becoming a wolf had damaged him more than the tribe were aware, he wasn't just bitter he was cruel and selfish with it.

When away from both Jake and Edward I would take notes so to speak, about what I'd said before I was dazzled into compliance or browbeaten into thinking myself not good enough, insisting I should give myself physically to Jacob, as no one else would want me, after all, he'd told me even Edward pushes away my advances. Although I was unaware of either's interference at first, it slowly became obvious over time.

My mystery texting friend told me about that too, Edward couldn't get complete control because whatever stopped him reading my mind also stopped him totally controlling it too. While Jake had been using his Alpha timbre on me, although not the Alpha wolf it still resonated with others and made him able to get his own way most of the time, it was his birthright after all. Once again my mind's glitch was holding him at bay too.

The bombshell was that Alice couldn't see me at all, she lied to everyone about that. She only saw me in relation to other's decisions! Why? What did she have to gain by lying?