I Love You, Emily Prentiss

Chapter 6: Addiction

TW: ADDICTION, SPOILERS

     Walking into the field office in Wyoming where you had been working the case, you sipped lazily from your coffee cup. You were in a daze, isolating yourself from those around you. Knowing that this couldn't go on forever, you tried to snap yourself out of it. You sat down, flipping through the stack of papers on the desk in front of you. Work was the only thing you could seem to focus on since your fight with Spencer this morning.

     Noticing that the only two people in the room consisted of you and Dave, you knew he was bound to ask the infamous 'what's wrong'. You tried to be nonchalant and continued to do your best work possible while in this state of mind. But you had that familiar feeling of being watched.

     "Hey, Dave?" You ask, keeping your eyes trained on the papers in front of you.

     "What's up, kiddo," he replied.

     "Why are you staring at me?"

     With a brief silence passing, he let out a chuckle. "What was that fight with Spencer about?"

     "Huh?" You ask, taken aback by the extent of his knowledge.

     "You didn't think you could hide anything from an old profiler here. And why are you pushing Emily away?"

     "Dave, you're freaking me out here."

     Chuckling once more, you turn your head to face him.

     "Hm? I've never seen you guys mad at each other, let love have a full-blown argument."

     "It doesn't happen often, but enough. You know, Spencer and I are so close, yet I didn't even know how to even talk to him about something so life-changing." You add, anxious as ever.

     "What was so life-changing for you that the two of you couldn't even have. Civil conversation?"

     You flicked your head back to ensure the door to the room was closed. "Well, our father left Spencer and me hand-written notes requesting to meet and repair our relationships. I want to try to develop a relationship because I think it would help me with my recovery from addiction."

     "But?" Dave further inquires.

     "But Spencer doesn't get it because he's never had the same struggles with addiction. So I told him expecting some sort of support in my decision, and he threw my recovery back in my face."

     Becoming emotional when speaking about your recovery, you were comforted by Dave's presence. He flashed a small grin at you, tears welling in his eyes. With a quick turn of his dismay of emotions, he tries to hide that he disagrees with some part of that statement.

     "It's been how many years since you've heard from your father? Eighteen?" He stated, already knowing he was correct. "Theo, you guys are two of the most resilient and strong people I know. I know it's difficult to understand why Spencer is fighting this hard for you, but I think he knows exactly how he would handle meeting with your father and may put himself in jeopardy."

     "He got a letter when my father left. I didn't. Is it so bad for me to want to ask my father why?" Caught off guard a few seconds after processing exactly what Dave said, you noticed a sip up he made. "And what do you mean by he would know exactly how it would affect him? What would he be putting in jeopardy?"

     "Theo- I didn't know you were unaware of Spencer's history with recovery."

     "What history? He never told me he ever had struggled with addiction."

     "I shouldn't be the one telling you, but Spencer has a past of his own. About four years ago, before I came out of retirement, there was an Unsub named Tobias Hankel. He had made phone calls to the police from his victim's residences, then proceeded to kill a couple who he had deemed to be sinning. He weaponized the bible- more accurately, his father did and committed murders in God's name. Hankel had been abused by his father growing up, causing him to turn to drugs, Dilaudid specifically. When he was made to kill his father, he developed multiple personalities. Spencer and JJ went to Hankel's house to question him and were unaware of him being the Unsub they were looking for, and the two of them split up to cover more ground when they came to the conclusion the rest of the team had. Hankel was torn between his different personalities, and instead of killing him on the spot, abducted and tortured him in a cabin out of town. Tobias's main personality had shot Spencer up with Dilaudid to help him escape the torture. He developed an addiction to Dilaudid which almost made him throw his entire life away."

     Baffled, your knees become weak. You couldn't believe the information Dave had been handing to you. Even though it was publicized, you felt odd finding the case and personal information of what happened to your brother. You had thought of your brother going through a rough patch a couple of years ago, but never suspected something like this. You were constantly away at work, hopping from one country to the next. But it felt like nothing but an excuse now. You knew Spencer had been abducted but didn't know it was to this extent. The fact that he was drugged and made to develop an addiction to one of the most addictive narcotics was like the cherry on top of it all.

     "I... didn't know any of this. Why didn't he tell me?"

     "He was ashamed. He got it under control but knew about your past with addiction. He never wanted to say anything because he was afraid of what you would think of him." He said, looking down at his ring and twisted it anxiously.

     "But he knows that I've been struggling with the same disease for years. I don't understand why he would try so hard to hide it from me. I could have helped him."

     Leaning across the seat separating you and Dave, he grabbed your hand softly and squeezed it. with a sigh, he said, "He was ashamed."

     "Ashamed of what? Of his addiction?"

     "You have to understand that he was trying to be strong for you. You're his little sister, he never wanted you to feel as though he was burdening you with his issues."

     Everything became clearer at that moment, the guilt beginning to set in. Spencer was trying to protect you, not because he was afraid of your relapse, but his. He was being the older brother that he thought you needed.

     Before you could get another word out, the door opened, and through it came Spencer. You spun around on your chair to face the door, with nothing but silence filling the room. You weren't able to hide the face of pity, giving Spencer. A hint of what you guys were talking about.

     "Hey," Spencer said quietly to the two of you.

     You couldn't help but answer with, "Dilaudid?"