18 - h.s

thirty five

trigger warning // some slight allusions to suicide in this chapter and brief mentions of violence

read with caution, please stay safe x

-

Sophia Elliot

I tried to take deep breaths as I just continued to drive down the highway. I didn't care where I was driving, I didn't care what I was doing, I just needed to drive.

I needed to get away.

I cant believe it almost happened again. It was never gonna stop, I was so fucking stupid to think that it ever would. 

My jaw clenched as I tried to fight the tears that were getting more and more difficult to stop from falling from my eyes. My breath caught in my throat and I coughed as I chocked on the tears that just started to cascade down my face no matter how hard I tried to stop them. 

I'm so fucking stupid.

I took notice of the few seconds of silence as the previous song ended before the sound of Cigarettes After Sex filled my car. 

Nothings Gonna Hurt You Baby. 

Oh, fuck me.

Really?

I actually laughed out loud at the song, well if that's not ironic I don't know what is. I began to laugh while the tears escaped from my eyes, it was an empty laugh, full of nothing but resentment. Resentment towards myself, my mother, my father, and to the world itself. 

The tears kept falling as I continued to laugh, not even noticing that my foot had begun to hammer down on the gas even harder, causing my car to speed up to the fact that it was dangerous, but I didn't care. 

I should crash this fucking thing. 

Just give myself zero chance of survival. 

The next thing I knew, the car was in park and I was sitting outside of an all too familiar house. 

Harry's. 

I looked around as my tears suddenly stopped, questioning how I even got here. Why the fuck did I drive here? I didn't even notice I was driving towards Harry's house. 

I took a deep breath and shut off the ignition, pulling the key out and keeping hold of it tightly in my hand, while I stared at the front door, questioning if I should even go to the door or not. My head was yelling at me to drive as far away as I could yet my heart was pulling me in to go and knock on the door.

I looked down at the car keys in my hand, opening my palm to reveal them reflecting the sunlight that beamed on them, knowing what the right thing to do was. I pulled my head up to look out of the front window at the road ahead of me, imagining myself driving down the road at speed, aiming to get as far away from here as possible. 

My eyes were drawn to Harry's front door though, I could also imagine myself falling into his arms and having him wrap his arms around me and telling me everything was going to be okay, knowing exactly what to do and exactly how to make me feel okay again. 

I knew what the right thing to do was. 

I opened the car door and tentatively stepped out of the car, taking a deep breath of the fresh air as I did, the breeze making my face feel cold as it met the wetness of my cheeks. The crisp chilly air filled my lungs as I breathed deeply, trying to get in as much oxygen as I could possibly get. I wiped my face with the sleeves of my sweatshirt and blew air out of my mouth as I prepared to walk to Harry's door. 

My feet carried me effortlessly to the front door and I held my hand up before sighing and knocking. Even just the thought of Harry being on the other side of the door was making my eyes tear up again. 

I knocked on the door three times before he swung the door open. He looked confused at first but when he saw I had been crying he immediately ran out to me, reaching his arms out to touch me although he held back because I hadn't said he could touch me yet. 

That just made me cry harder.

I took a deep breath and choked on my tears before I managed to get some softly spoken words past my lips. "Can I come in?" I asked faintly although it was enough for him to hear and he said yes right away, moving out of the way so I could walk through to his house. 

I shuffled myself through the doorway, all of my energy almost gone from crying so much as I could barely keep my eyes open. He turned around and shut the door before turning back to me, standing in front of the now-closed front door. 

I took a deep breath and tried to stop crying as I knew I was safe now. I wiped my puffy eyes with my sleeve as I noticed Harry stood still, the cogs whirring around in his head to figure out what the best thing to do was. 

"What's wrong baby?"

I slammed my eyes shut as his question of concern towards me just made me cry again. The tears that I thought I was done with crying started again as my face was wet and hot. My breath hitched in my throat as I choked and sobbed harder. My shoulders jolted with how hard I was crying as I shook uncontrollably.

"Sophia, can I-"

"Please," I cut him off with all the energy I could muster as he immediately ran to me and wrapped his arms around me tightly as I cried violently in his grasp. 

I sunk to the floor as he came down with me, not letting his grip loosen on me as he knotted his hand in my hair and twirling it around in his fingers to keep me as calm as possible. 

"It's okay, baby. You're okay," he spoke softly in my ear, rocking me back and forth as I grabbed a fistful of his sweatshirt tightly while I continued to sob. "Nothing can hurt you, baby." 

I sobbed even more violently as he quoted the words that were playing throughout my car earlier.

If only that were true.

You have no idea, Harry.

-

hi, besties!! I'm so sorry I've been MIA recently, I've had a lot going on and I haven't been able to focus much on writing. I'm really hoping I can write more often and I promise ya'll that I will be updating a lot more often from now on. :)

also, thank you for almost 700 reads what the actual fuck???? I never thought I'd even get 100 let alone this.

thank you so so SO much for all the support and love on this book, I really fucking appreciate every single last one of you. <3