A knot too tight

Part 6-James

I knew I was asleep, even unconscious, I knew I was dreaming but how real it felt. I could almost feel my Allie warm and soft against me. So I was reluctant to open my eyes again, afraid to bid goodbye to her illusion.But the phone rang leaving me no other option other than to wake up. It was Allie's mother,
"Hello, mom. Yeah,I am awake. Yeah I ate breakfast. I am actually going to my office. Right...i will see you when I get back. "

I was lying through my teeth but I didn't want her to worry. I don't think I will ever be able to work again. I opened another bottle of liquor,emptying it directly into my mouth. I slumped back into the bed again waiting for the alcohol to sweep me under again.
I felt bile rising, I wanted to puke but I swallowed it back.... I wanted to dream of Allie again.
Maybe I succeeded because I was rudely woken up by someone. I opened my eyes to see that it was John. He had a disapproving frown on his face.

"Office.... Office?Really James.I just knew you were lying. Now get up. I brought food... Get freshened up. My god!!! "

I didn't have to check to see what made him exclaim. I knew it was the empty bottles of rum, I had consumed in a single night.
John dragged me from the bed, forced me to shower and force fed me like a kid. And for my part I was glad to have someone to remind me of Allie. Soon I was trying to trace Allie features in his more rugged face.They were quite similar and I was just realizing it now.
John scowled at me across the table, where we were sitting after brunching.
"How long are you planning to act like this... This reckless"

I stared at him, not knowing how to answer that question.
"Either yot take responsibility for yourself or I'm taking you home with me,your choice"he said.

" I am sorry man. I will try. I will stay here. I will be okay. " I felt pathetic trying to make excuses for my behavior but I just can't. Can't someone understand that I can't live without Allie. That some things cannot be overcome, some loses never to be replaced.
John tried his best to get me to go home with him but I wouldn't budge. I felt guilty for depriving his parents of his company at this time. But at last he left me to return home,worried about his parents.
I slumped back in the chair, I couldn't live, and I wasn't going to die anytime soon. I thought about Allie alone in the cemetery,she was always so scared of the dark.. I won't let her be scared anymore and my mind was made up.