Regret

Walk away

Keep going.

I have to keep going. How could I have been so stupid; so naive as to believe that he really meant what he had said in the beginning?

My feet have to carry me away from here.

How could I have been so blind?

Even as my vision of the road ahead blurs and my soaked dress clings to my skin, like I'm trying to cling to what's left of my dignity, I have to push my feet to keep going. Every step moves me further away from there, from it, from him. I have no idea where I'm headed, all I know is that I've been in the downpour long enough to feel like Mother earth is crying with me. Long enough to feel like my pain has touched her big heart and she knows I have no one else to lean on. Like she knows my birth mother would do if she saw me now. But I cannot let her see me like this. I could never look her in the eyes again after all the lies I told straight to her face to protect him, to defend him, to promise her that I was the only one who could help him change. Lies. More Lies. All of it was a lie from the start and he knew it. When he said he needed my help, I stayed. When he promised he wouldn't do it again, I stayed. When he told me he couldn't live without me, I stayed. I stayed. I stayed. No one else did but me. I stayed through all the beatings, through all the crocodile tears and cheap apology bouquets because he was worth it. I could handle the pain if he would get better in the end. They say sticks and stones breaks your bones, but bones can heal. Bones realign and find away to come together in the end. Bones find their happy ending together again even if it isn't as great as the first time. But words. Words are what we should fear the most. Words don't just hurt; words stab and stay in you forever. Words make sure that they cut deep so that even when you finally pull them out they leave a giant gaping hole in your heart and all you can do is bleed out. When I finally pulled all the "I love yous" out and all the "I'm sorrys" and all that was left was a gaping hole he delivered that final blow.

"I never loved you. I only kept you around because you were the only one dumb enough to believe my act. I was never broken, I never needed you to fix me like some old toy. But thank you, I guess. Thank you for wasting 5 years of your life for me. It really was great but I have to move on with my life I'm sure you understand"

That smirk. That blood smirk. No I have to keep going. I can't go back. One more step towards the light and it'll all be over. No more pain. No more lies. Just one...more...step.