As a kid I was always told to stay away from people and I couldn't hang with people even if they live on my block. After years of this happening I ended up not developing any social skills. So if I was in a room with people I would be that kid no one talked to, who sat in the corner by himself, who no matter what was being done I would always separate myself from everyone else in the room. With this also came no game, meaning I couldn't talk to girls, at least not in the way i wanted to. I had huge crushes on different girls throughout my youth but never addressed it, never shot my shot if you will. Because with being kept away from socializing, I would always overthink what I would say to people. Should I say that, no it be too corny, what about that, no people would look at me like I was weird or potentially creepy. I hated to have attention on me because what if I stumbled over my words and end up not making any sense what with I'm trying to say. I dreaded getting called on by my teachers to answer questions or read in front of the class. That's why I feel like I have anxiety now and I allow my anxiety to hold me back from potentially great opportunities. I look back on my life so far and remember so many chances I could've had but was too afraid to say or do anything. I think about how a couple girls almost gave me a chance but I ended up friendzoning myself. I kept myself out of relationships because I would overthink the situation and say something stupid or since I didn't know how to be social I would say things that a friend would say. I would never speak my mind and ask a girl out because I was afraid of rejection. There's so many things that I could've been able to do but I couldn't string the words together to say what I wanted. Even now I can barely keep up a conversation for long without the basic starter questions like: how are doing today? or where are you from? I never let people see my personality so I just try to avoid being seen at all. Till this day I don't feel like I've ever made friends. I never walked up to someone and started up a conversation. Either they talked to me and kept talking to me or we wouldn't get past a greeting. I find myself looking at other people's lives and thinking why are they having so much fun while I'm bored and the main reason is that they have a lot of people around them and I have none. I'm in college now and I'm finally realizing that the only way people are having fun is by building relationships and bonds with others. In college you have nothing but time to try to interact with people. We don't have that much time in class everyday and with not having a vehicle I'm not going to able to go off somewhere and have fun. So I kinda trapped in box of either try to talk and interact with people so my college experience isn't a total dud or allow my experience to suck because I won't speak
